Thanks for the insightful reply AnotherStander. I worked on some validating tonight and the conversation actually felt like progress. Not much but it was different. I know I have a long way to go until things get better. I just need to work on detaching and 180s. I also need to get a life. I’m currently looking for a new Job so I don’t have to work at the same place as my wife and the OM. It is hard to keep my head on straight seeing them work together everyday. They basically share one large cubicle and work alone in their building for the first 2 hours of the day. Needless to say it is very hard to work there. I think getting out of there will help me a lot.
Tonight she said what is keeping her from wanting to work on the marriage is she doesn’t believe I can stop my controlling behavior. She says she has always felt she had to get my permission to do anything. I told her that I understand why she felt that way and it was not a healthy relationship that we had and I had been controlling in our marriage. She has been softening her interactions with me over the last 2 months and she isn’t trying to start fights all the time. I’m not sure what that means if anything. I have been trying to reconnect with her since I have basically been absent for the last couple years emotionally. Drinking too much watching too much tv being lazy. I don’t want her to leave the house with that image of me in her mind. I’m trying to be the best me for these last few months before she leaves. But I still think she must leave or she will eventually do this again if she doesn’t and we reconcile before that. But I am trying not to have expectations that she will ever return. I have hope but I’m trying to accept divorce as a probability.
