Quote: Unfortunately, most of us HD's are eventually going to be faced with the decision to divorce. So we can split the family and cause all kinds of horrbible problems for the kids, or we can stay married in passionless marriages, and end up deforming our childrens perceptions of loving relationships. What is the lessor of tow evils, probably having 2 parents in the house. Yes, this sucks.
I think characterizing "staying together" as being an example of a "loving relationship" is a big stretch. Staying together only sets the example of "honoring commitments". Now, here's the big dilemma. If you wait until the kids are 18 and out of the house before splitting, how do you explain it? Are you prepared to stay together for the rest of your life in an SSM?
This is a very old argument and each person has a different take on it. But I would give the kids a little more credit for their ability to adapt and get over it. My W's parents divorced and that makes her more committed to the idea of staying married. My parents didn't seem very passionate but they "stuck it out" as a matter of principal but I would have had more respect for them as individuals if they would have divorced.
It's very similar to mental game we used to play that goes something like this.... "Think about the possibilities and options you have immediately prior to committing suicide" - You could join the peace corp, be a beach bum, go work as a ranch hand with cows.
Apply this to the R.... "If you are already emotionally divorced or simply hopeless about the future of the marriage" - You could try PM, counsel with Schnarch, start asserting yourself more, etc.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
