When I first came here and read as much as I could I was convinced my W was in MLC. The timeline leading up to BD and actions fit a lot of what folks here talk about. And it's not that I don't believe in it anymore, but I think my thoughts around it have changed a bit. It sounds like yours as well.
I was talking to a friend of mine who is a couple years older than my XW - about to turn 50. This conversation was way back in fall - perhaps last September? She isn't a super close friend, but someone who was a really great listener as I dealt with my M falling apart. And I asked her one time after a couple beers if she believed in MLC. That it sounded dumb (ie sports cars, date younger etc.) but that part of me really thought that was part of what drove W to needing to leave. And what my friend said was that she didn't believe in MLC per se, but more of a reassessment of life that happens. A serious look at the world around you and the life you've built, and that she didn't think it was avoidable - that everyone went through that adjustment and assessment.
I can't speak for this friend's history or experiences because I really don't know them intimately. But what she said made sense to me, and only now is settling in as a bit of a truth for me. Some people can handle the reassessment of life and turmoil in a quiet way. Some people need a bit of a shake-up - a big move, or a new job, or a new baby. Things that aren't really looked at as too weird by our society. And some people need all new life go-off-the-deep-end. But I think there's a huge variance in this spectrum.
I think ultimately the settling of the MLC/reassessment is one where the person is ultimately discovering that nothing has changed. They are still the same person with choices, and a life, and (hopefully) people that they love in their life. They couldn't escape it, and that's okay. The fear that they can't handle life goes away because they realize despite their fear and looking for something meaningful and new - they still were living their life. And maybe they were a bit detached from it during the fear stage, but it was happening without them, and being connected to those around them is not, in fact, that scary after all.
I guess that's a lot of words to say this: I see the "out of the tunnel" stage as the person realizing they don't have to fear everything around them. They start to feel grounded and safe again. So they start acting "normal" again.
You know your H really, really well. And you regularly call him out on his BS here on the forum if you feel he is being unfair. So if you feel he is authentic in his kindness and not trying to play you - you're probably right. What does that mean? I don't know. Does it change any of your choices around your living or the house? Probably not? But it might make you also lower your guard a little, and have a slightly adjusted dynamic with him.
Lastly, I love what BluWave has to say about MLC. She totally doesn't believe in it. Just another perspective to consider. And then there is Westo over in MLC forum. I kept up with her threads forever and her H came out of a 3 year (4 year? I forget) absence and they reconciled. But she documented his slllooooowwww changes really well, and you can see how she chose to respond to it.
