This is an interesting thread. Do you guys remember my posts about how my W didn't understand what initiating meant? My C said that saying "I want you to initiate" is akin to her saying "I would like you to be more helpful around the house". The LD (from what I'm seeing) really needs specifics. I don't think saying "...and be enthusiastic about it" is a bad thing.

Quote:


W: Okay, I can't be involved and enthusiastic, so I guess that means no sex.




Here's the response.....
You: "Well, that's a choice you are free to make but I too can make choices about the nature of our relationship".
W: "WTF?!!! Are you trying to manipulate me into more sex? You are trying to destroy our marriage!!!! Stop this differentiation because I don't want to leave my comfort zone and by all means, stop reading that quack Schnarch"
You: "Sorry that's how you feel but what is such a big deal about me telling you the things I want...you don't have to do anything about them. So why get so upset."
W: "Because you're pissing me off"
You: "Sorry you feel that way...I'm just stating what I want. It's your choice...I don't have time to go around in circles over this. I love you and I want to ML with you more often...period. If there's anything you want (that I can do) that would make you more enthusiastic about ML more regularly, then let me know. I've said all I need to say. I love you...period." Then calmly walk out of the room.

I had a convo just like this with my W where I specified specifically what "initiation" meant. It was similar but the the act of specifying in terms of your desires really helps because they can't argue with you.

Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time -Steven Wright