Cross countries separation EU

[Pack_19]

hi all,

I have just arrived in Germany and needed to post because I am feeling like "?@%! I have spent like I said a great weekend with my children but I cannot help having feelings that they do not deserve a broken family and that I really screwed up. This gives me two things, the first is strength to be there for them and ensuring they feel they are worth of great love and attention and the second is motivation to keep looking into me for permanent change.

Yesterday the saddest thing happened. I was arguing with my mom because she keeps insulting my W and I have tried to talk her into how that does not solve anything and how determined I am to fight for my M. Anyway we got into a fight and I told her I would not speak to her for some weeks so that she can think about how serious I am about not tolerating that and my M and she started following me around in a bad mood trying to make me talk to her about how blinded I am to an imminent divorce. I dont know if that makes sense but the thing is that I did not like at all her behavior but I found myself identified on it as when we were living our domestic separation and I kept pushing my W to talk about us. I cannot go back in time but I have really messed up during our domestic separation. I have made the determination to stop any of that behavior and think intentionally about it when I see it crawling up inside me.

I do not see my W even to exchange visitation. She drops them at school, I pick them up, I drop them, she picks them up. I do not know if this is good or bad but it really feels like I have few opportunities to interact with her and when I do you have seen how dead set she is to destroy my self esteem and hopes for R. It has been 5 months since our domestic separation begun, a switch flipped on her head and our lives were changed and I still struggle with thoughts about it.

My S6 keeps telling me that he misses me and wants to spend more time with me. Maybe I did not fight hard enough for my M when we still were at home and signed too quickly that dreadful agreement. I remember my W used to tell me the only chance we had of a future together was if we had a good separation. Now I feel like I need to listen to her and give her what she wants, a polite relationship for our children.

My M is dead, I am working on myself but my W hates me right now. I dont fear divorce, I dont fear living alone, I just feel like the problems we had are not enough to break us apart this way. At least now that I see much better what I was doing wrong. Sometimes I think that staying faithful to our marriage and family now is the greatest love sign I can send her.

Thanks a lot guys for your answers and help! goodnight!
Paco