Also, I should have mentioned that not having sex often enough was one of our marital issues all along. One to two times a week is not enough for him because he has a HD. I feel that rejecting his advances (I never initiate) will push him farther away. He acts less angry and more cooperative when we are intimate (this was even pre-BD).
This is a 100% real-world example from my own family. My half-brother was addicted to crack. He would ask my dad for money, and if he got it then he would be very happy and complacent as he drove off to get his fix. If my dad refused then he would become extremely violent. One time he went into a rage and locked himself in the bathroom and broke the window and ripped the towel bar off the wall. My dad wanted to keep the peace so he gave him money whenever he wanted after that. About 6 months ago they found my half-brother sitting in a lawn chair in someone's backyard surrounded by other drug addicts living in tents. He had been dead for several days, his druggie "friends" couldn't even be bothered to move his body or call someone, they just left him there until the stench became unbearable. You can imagine what my dad thinks about his actions now. He blames himself for not standing up to him and possibly saving his life.
Obviously I'm not implying your H will die, but the lesson here is that appeasement is not the answer. Tough love is HARD, it is EXTREMELY hard. But it is the only way that you will get over your H and heal and recover, and the absolute only hope for him to ever hit bottom and start working on himself.
