My general point is, your list seems as is you can’t handle yourself or kids without the wife. I think you most certainly can. And knowing that will put you in a place of power. Until you realize that, she will have the upper hand and not gain respect for you.
You have to believe you can care for yourself and your children without her. Physically and emotionally.
Ginger, no worries whatsoever, I thank you for the insights and don't think it sounded mean. I want the 2x4s. Any indirect talk leaves people to fill in the blanks. Much better with the directness.
Ovr, Green, LH, Jac, Hallzy and Iron - you're right, still plenty of work to do. Plenty of what you wrote got through, I hope it sticks. I come back to reread often but sometimes when youre in different emotional states, we absorb info very differently. I've two ropes to let go off, my attachment, and control. Both not easy, I do see why couples try separation by being in different homes. I've seen myself repeat a few times already on this board.
W talked to me a few times this weekend, mostly business. A bit about our friends and family as well. She brought up gifts for an upcoming family bday and was asking about family passes to our local kids complex and a fun center. Also brought up us not spending alot now, so we can get kids gifts around easter. Her tone most of the time is way more gentle than the last three months. I don't think im reading much in to it as I still have bad vibes over the whole sitch. Stating it all here in case this is a normal pattern in a bad or good direction.
A few dats ago, W told me when I'm home, it feels like her commander is home. Definitely a sign of my control however I've also tried to undo that thinking at least a year before BD. A few mistakes entrenched a pattern which I can control. The pattern on my end has been broke for quite some time.
Ws car is having some electrical issues...Im supposed to detach and not pursue so is the recommendation is for W to take care of it?
I certainly no longer feel like we're doing any kind of piecing however if we truly are, shouldnt the H take the lead, get vulnerable and take action as the family leader? Would fixing the car come off as pursuing? I know mechanics would more likely lie to her for more money.
As W asked for time, I feel like she is pressuring herself to stay in the M. I told her Im ok either way however I want time as well. We said we are working on the M (previously, not new) and she said she isn't backing out of reconciliation but wants that time. Believe none of what they say I know. My question, should I say I want time or space to take the pressure off her? If she is serious about piecing however then I'd be communicating to her that I have one foot out the door. She has stated that she's felt I wad ready to leave the M for years. Not true but its how she feels at this time.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
