Hey everyone. First time post and never thought I would ever be in this situation.
My wife and I have been together for over 15 years, married for 13 years and have 2 kids under 11. She dropped the bombshell about a week ago that she doesn’t feel the same way about me, amongst other reasons which I will go into below. She has been thinking about it for a few months and has made her decision but has not spoken to me about it and is not interested in getting help to try and save what we have (the only reason she will have marriage counseling is to help me come to terms with it). It’s quite a long story.
In September she changed jobs, she has a male friend that she worked with for 7 years. She said to me she wasn’t sure how she felt about him(like she may have feelings for him) I did not take this very well at all, she was going away for a few days and cleared her head and realised they are just good friends and she was panicking about moving jobs and not seeing one of her best friends / have someone to help every day. She did also started to confide in him rather than me as she didn’t want to worry me with her worries (I had a few issues about 3 years ago and had counseling to deal with grief/Loss. My mum died in Nov 13 and then her Father in Jan 14 and since then I have been needy, clingy questioning her and jealous).We had a chat and worked out we needed to learn to communicate again. Which I feel has not happened and enough effort has been put in. I trust and believe her but it did affect me. Intimacy stopped as she wanted to wait until it felt natural again, this has also affected me.
She has said that it has been slowly building up over the last few years, I believe I had an underlying issue with loss which wasn’t apparent. When she said what she said in September I became really unsettled and it became obvious to me that I need to sort myself out which I have taken responsibility for , I have had, and I am still having counselling and try and meditation(mindfulness) every day, which over time the last 4/5 months has help loads. I still have a way to go but I have made loads of progress.
I think she wanted me to move out. I have moved into the spare room. We are just taking a day at a time. I am trying to give her space but it is so hard.
I am not ready to just give up on 15 years just for the sake of a couple of years where we have lost our way but it is so difficult when she has said she doesn’t love me in that way anymore.
