Cross countries separation EU

[Pack_19]

Hi Steve,

Thanks a lot for the reply. Yes I understand what you are saying. I guess I am not in a position to do that yet but better get there asap. She begun the conversation by shouting I have called to speak so you listen to me and keep quiet. Yes this is very unfair so I always think about validation at this point and my mindset is, I will listen to her.

On a different subject I just spent a great weekend with my children, we went to the aquarium and I had lunch outside with them. I can tell S6 notices how I am much better. He keeps telling me he wants to spend more time with me and asking about the new house. From time to time he will remind me of some bad memories he has from our domestic separation all the fighting and how nervous and impatient I was with him. You think being rejected by your W is hard until you hear that from your children and see how low you fell. I had become a shadow at home and even my son noticed. Trust me this is motivation to change many things but at the same time makes me wonder if I have some kind of sick side that will continue to try and show up when I lower my guard and times are bad.

All these thoughts have me hung up on self improvement books. I do not know how to give my W more space. The only thing I can think of is literally and I mean literally moving on myself. I know we have talked a lot about how my M is dead and I need to change myself but it is hope on a future with her that keeps me going. If I cannot think of a better 2.0 M with her or hope that she can love me again how can I survive all her attacks. some days I think she is really trying to hurt me, I dont say this in a victim way I really mean the things she says are intentional. But I know the man I want to be, the future I want to fight for and where to find support (here!).

Tomorrow I fly back to Germany and a new week will begin. The woman that married me thinks if I send her a TM I am harassing her, I have to laugh because it sounds like a joke.

I have a big question today, is it good or bad to try and have deep conversations with my S6 about how he is living this? I feel like doing it but he gets playful as if trying to avoid the topic. I want to be there for him, I am just not sure if he is too young to directly talk about his feelings.

Thanks a lot! GAL + LRT