I'm certain breaking up scared her, after the closer connection over Xmas, the intimacy over New year and mostly I think the emotional honesty truth and sadness that was being required in the concious uncoupling process all seemed too much.
I know she is going through a lot, addressing childhood abuse and trauma and the impact it has had on all her relationships and life, not just us.
And I get that part of her healing and not bending around others or seeking validation from others is exactly the same as us dbers in putting the focus back on ourselves.
Her trauma therapist has told her that this seperation is not something she is doing to me but something she is doing for herself.
Knowing all this, loving her and respecting her need for space doesn't make any of this any easier. She has asked for 6 months to re-evaluate. I can't not give her the space she's asking for and I'm trying hard not to pursue or seek reassurance.
We met with family therapist, she explained her desire for a trial seperation, I let her talk and validated where I could, She raised some of the changes she would like to see. I stated they would be my own goals, I won't jump through hoops.
I did raise my concerns that I felt the same way about our relationship that I did not want a seperation, but would not stand in her way. I was pressed on how I felt Stated my main concern was that this was a way of making seperation easier, that it was about getting used to just being co parents and business partners.
She stated that she could make no promises, that may happen. Again that she had no more to give at the moment
Made a statement that she had been 99% she wanted to end marriage, but that was no longer the case. Bit my tongue hard to not get a percentage ( lol)
We are supposed to meet again with therapist on Thursday to outline what these 6 months will look like, dating etc, financials.
Since meeting I have not initiated any contact or r talks when in contact. But my W has been in contact daily,
She still sometimes talks about future living arrangements if together. Chatting about family day trips or vacations abroad. Shared several times about her trauma work and need to focus on herself, take care of herself and the kids.
She has been talking more and more about realising she is in a different place to her new friends who she was partying with, as they don't have kids, are repeating same relationship patterns and repeatedly putting all the blame on the men.
We went for a family walk yesterday, had a really good time, ended up watching a movie together, she asked if I wanted to stay, I declined and returned to the flat.
Had a very strange day today where all my time was my own, been journaling, did some yoga, took a beach walk, Then a message from wife if I wanted to meet her and d6 at the beach.
I agreed as right now I'm not turning down many opportunities to see kids, I think I will get better at this.
Interactions seem weird, friendly, but I feel very aware of space between us, I don't see any signs of attraction or anything but just mind reading.
She has spoken positively of kids seeing me exercising and applying for my licence, I hadn't known they had fed this back to her and it seemed to get a positive response.
Not lying ,I'm making changes, taking more time and care towards myself, but yeah lots of focus still on her and wanting her to see.
Again I think / hope this will change in time.
So some personal positives But also underpinned by this fear that the distance will just become the new normal, that she's putting off a choice to make it easier.
I can't control her choice, but I can use the time and also try and ensure positive interactions and regain some respect.
