Just to recap the timeline a bit, September is when she really went cold. I knew deep down there was something wrong before that, but we were still a pretty happy couple at that point, just something was certainly missing. I know from working on myself that a big part of it was me shutting down emotionally and trying to just hope our intimacy issues would just pass (and not just sex, just overall closeness with each other).
She moved out mid October, was told just for a few days, but that turned into weeks. We still kept in touch, and really still were getting together quite often, but it was strained and she did not want any intimate contact beyond the occasional hug or kiss. Then mid November I found out she had met someone else in September. I did the wrong things at that point, trying to convince her to drop him and work on our marriage, weekend after Thanksgiving she completely moved out, before it was sort of a temporary thing, now all her things are gone.
After that contact went way down, still had occasional phone conversations and texting. Certainly got the feeling she wasn't convinced divorce was what she wanted, but she also didn't show any signs of wanting to work on our marriage either. That glimmer of hope continued to drive me to do the wrong things as far as DB goes. We had one last big conversation that I felt went well, however may of just been my hopeful perspective.
I found this forum after that. As far as GAL, I already have a fulfilling life, plenty of friends, etc. So I feel like I'm ok in that department. My issues are more with being close and opening up about my feelings and not being afraid to tell people what I think. I've seen recommendations for the book no more mr nice guy in other threads so I have started to read that and a lot of those behaviors I see in myself.
I was not good at the no pursuit for sure, however I have left her alone now. It's essentially been around 20 days of no contact, except for a couple of messages back and forth regarding our dog.
I'm just sort of having a rough day today. I'm also having trouble with detachment. When I'm out doing things, I wish she was there enjoying it with me. I create these scenarios in my head where I'm going to get some text that says she misses me, and then when it doesn't happen I get down on myself.
With this meeting coming up soon, and the fact that she has not reached out at all, except to set up this meeting, I'm pretty sure she is finally going to present divorce papers. Steve85 mentioned to listen and validate. I have been reading through that validation thread over and over, but I just feel like I'm going to do or say something I don't want to say.
I don't want this divorce, do I just keep that to myself? How do I validate her wanting a divorce but make it clear I want to work on this marriage? Do I just need to look at reality and realize the marriage is over and stop thinking there is this imaginary chance to work on it? I'm just not convinced she is actually happy, I think she is living in the moment. I've read a lot about limerence and that certainly seems to apply in this situation. Although, again maybe wishful thinking, because that is something that has hope to end. Maybe what she has with this new person is what she wants and it will never end.
I'm struggling with patience, I know many situations have gone much longer this, is 20 days without really talking even a big deal? Still way to early for anything signficant to have happened?
If she does present divorce papers, is there anything in particular I should do at that point? I sent her home with the paperwork the last time we talked. So assuming she has taken the time to understand it and filled it out and I'm happy with it, do I just move forward and sign it, do I try to delay things? Should I even be worried about this yet since it hasn't actually happened?
I'm sorry, I feel like I rambled on a bit today, just having a bit of rough day, I guess I was hoping for some sign that maybe she didn't want to do what she is doing, and not getting that sign has been rough.
