LH, thank you. It would probably take all night to get through them all! For you and anyone listening, this is where my mind is.
These bug me the most: Lost time with kids if we D ****This is real but the quality of the time will be better and will make up for lost time***** Impact on the kids from losing their home, family structure, and school district **** This can be controlled by how well your work together***** Help- I've very little help with the kids outside of Ws family and friends *****Why do you need help***** Diet- kids and I would eat way worse if we D *****Why? Something definitely under your control****** Loneliness - ive had very few serious relationships before W. I havent been successful with women. When I finally was successful, I reverted on what made me strong and attractive. Dont want to lose that again. *****again, something you can control******* Retirement- i started 401k late. Likely to not retire until after 72-75 if we D. ****You have no idea what the future holds********* Kids-who knows what type of man would raise them ****Do you trust your W? If not, maybe you picked the wrong person?****** Dying alone ***Possible if your second W dies first, but you most likely still have your kids**** Finding a woman who is crazy, diseased or harmful to the kids if I d. *****Thats 100% on you******* Finding someone I love and going through this again at the 5-10 year itch *** that you can't control but you can control how you show up which will lessen the chances of that happening again*** Finding someone, then have W want to reconcile ****Cross that bridge when you come to it****** Going months on end with no physical contact **** I love women as much as anyone and I have gone months with out physical. You won't shrivel up and die*** Living with parents or in a small apartment with no ownership ****Maybe temporarily but you will own a house again******
As Captain America says, I could go all day.
It's not uncommon to have these fears. Most people stay in bad marriages because these fears. You can truly have any kind of life that you want if you are willing to work for it. Pursuit will get you divorced. Time, space, working on yourself gives you a chance.
