Patience and Limbo (Core thread 3)

[Jac12]

Thank you for the responses yesterday. I started an R chat yesterday, trying to get transparency on what happened previously while also voicing how I've felt. Stupid in my book now that i look back. I read up on piecing elsewhere where they talk about going through the past hurts and clearing the air. The more I reflect, the more I see DB rules and advice have been superior thus far.

I believe I almost pushed W back to saying we should end it. I switched subjects but I also despise how D is used as a weapon against me for control. If we repair, would she always threaten to leave....maybe. I find it disrespectful yet we are or said we were working on respect.

I'm back in limbo, maybe worse off than a month or two ago. Follow the rules.

I cant find the same patience and strength many of you have. How in times like this did you pull together so much patience? We've now had 3 chats that were not productive since our reconcile chat. I'm scared to be honest. I hurt almost as much as 3 weeks after BD. Its almost like she asked for D all over again.

I still dont think she wants the D, at least not 100 percent. How can the WW not see how much damage they are causing. Even with counseling, I can see myself getting PTSD over this.

Core can you do this.

I don't mean this to crap on you but I don't think guys had a real "R" talk if you know what I mean and as we all mentioned you definitly weren't piecing. It doesn't seem like she's at that point so don't go digging for info from her. I know how easy it is to assume the best because that's what you want.

Now, don't ASSUME everything that she's saying means ANYTHING. Period. You have no idea what the future holds for you both and I can tell you assume if you work things out that she's going to be the same person she's kind of being now.

One of the best things you can do right now is really focus on DETACHING. You don't initiate any talks except for pleasantries as you would a cashier. If she talks, you LISTEN and VALIDATE when appropriate. It doesn't mean you agree, it means you understand her feelings (as crazy as you may think they are). You need to step back and let go a little here...a lot here. But you can do this.