Dawn, I could only hope that you are right. The universe must be holding out for something great on me. I just don't get my hopes up anymore. You said some very kind words, and i hope you are right
KML- I am apolitical for the post part, so that isn't happening. and i did not change to casual on bumble. I just gave a more casual vibe. ANyways, I seem to not be matching with any and everyone is in Manhattan and you would be surprised, despite our mileage proximity, neither side is willing to cross the river to date. I've already pretty much thrown the towel in on online dating.
It's not only poor lonliness that gets me down. It's also the burden after so many years that comes with being a single parent. By burden, I mean financially, working long hard hours, 2 job, not splitting a darn responsibility because there is no one else to share it with. I managed this through the hardest years. BUt it is really the amount of years and it is honestly wearing me to the bone. I come home with not much left to give, yet I dig into my reserves and give. ANd I am zapped. I have bills that go unpaid not only because I am broke, but because I don't even get a lunch break anymore to stop and pay, my brain simply shuts down when I sit down at 9pm after everything and I forget. The burden of everything on your shoulders does not get lighter over the years, it gets heavier. On the other hand, If I was not a single parent, I would be financially secure, able to handle working like a dog, etc. HOWEVER, I would never ever ever want that. I will take the struggle a millions times over, but I am sad it has to be such a struggle. I ve been caring for myself since I was a teen. I was out on my own very young. I am tired. Oh so tired.
Anyways, nothing I can do about it. I do what I can and that is get up every day and do what has to be done.
Negative: I have a bad cavity which is causing me lots of pain. I have been grinding my teeth while awake. I have no time to fix it. I also have to go repeat my drug test for my new job because their computer lost it. I have no drugs in my system, however, it took me 2 trips and over an hour to complete it. I get to do it again and have to ask for time off of this job. yet another person has ditched out on me last minute to get my couch. One person broke their ankle, this one has a very sick kid in princeton he had to pick up all of a sudden. Apparently my couch is bad for people's health.
Positive. Ummmmmm. I had a good time out last night at a work event. It was deliciously catered, open bar, good company. It's a perk of my job that is killing me. The facility happened to be around the corner from M's house, and i was tempted to see if it was still boarded up, but i didn't. I was also talking to my physical therapist, turned my friend, turned my coworker. She was helping out on my floor today and she said we MUST go out soon, I should come over house, and she wants me to come on her and her boyfriends boat this summer. Her boyfriend is the PT aide who was too young for me, but i had a crush on. (before they were together) he is in the fire academy for the city FF works for right now. She told me he is always asking about me. SO maybe he can hook me up with an older single firefighter AT least it's a social life!
A spot ended up opening on the hike this sunday for the meetup I was waitlisted for. However, I agreed for my daughter to have a sleep over, so I can't go.
All I know how to do these days is wake up, get up, put my big girl panties on and do what I got to do.
