Sorry you are struggling but it sounds like you’re your own worst enemy. If you don’t have infinite patience you mine as well file for D now.
I used my kids for strength when I didn’t think I could go on anymore.
My guess is you’re a control freak and your W has all the control right now. She is not going to relinquish this power that is most likely new to her anytime soon. The person who cares about the relationship the least is in charge and that’s clearly her right now.
As you get stronger they may change. Right now you are acting on fear and you are looking for reassurance and she can’t give it you now because she has no respect for you. Unfortunately the more needy you are the more she is repulsed by your actions.
