I'm glad you're making a big deal of it. Kids should know they (and the things happening in their lives) matter to their parents - and uni is a big deal. Not to be a downer, but have their been discussions on how uni will be financed?
Originally Posted by DillyDaf
H is trying to connect more with both kids, he is planning to take ds2 away in the summer and has asked ds1 to visit him this weekend. I struggle with him wanting to spend time with the kids but not with me
I get this. Those flashes of jealousy were hard to overcome. My H even started showing more affection to our dog. What made it worse was the jealousy was always accompanied by guilt and shame for being so ridiculous. All those emotions rolled together, honestly, sometimes I would shut down and just have to leave the room (as he cast me a dirty look or said something like 'why do you always look miserable'). He 180'd - it took me a long time to NOT resent him for this. But it wasn't about me. He 180'd for him. And Dilly, it took a long time for me to get to that point, give yourself a break. It's OK to feel the way you do.
Originally Posted by DillyDaf
He is not the worst MLCer, he is financially responsible and does see the kids a bit ...
I honestly think there are two types of MLCers and the differences are most evident when there are kids involved. Some completely go off the rails running off into the sunset like the last 10-20 years never happened. Wash their hands of it entirely and resent any attempt to be reminded that the 10-20 years did happen. These are the monsters - the ones who fight tooth and nail for every penny, who resent having to spend time with their kids, or contribute to their children's upbringing. Mine is not a monster. Neither is yours. Unfortunately they are only human, and humans still f**k up. And the compassion you feel is a good thing. That is what loving detachment means. To know and understand his pain, but not feel responsible for causing it, or for fixing it.
The GAL sounds fantastic and I am more than a little jealous. I have been wanting to go on a weekend yoga retreat forever, but my childcare schedule isn't particularly conducive to weekends away. Date when you are ready. There is no fixed timeline. I will say do it for the right reasons - not out of loneliness, or sadness or boredom, and definitely not as a means to 'move on'.
