You sound like you're doing all the right things, Dilly - and that's so exciting about uni offers for your eldest. What an exciting time for him, and what a time of transition for the whole family too. How do you feel about the prospect of him leaving home? Does he hope to study far away from home?
It sounds like with this space and self care and focus on your GAL (after the busy work period) you're getting some time for reflection about how the marriage really was. That this neglect of you and your needs and consideration for what is important to you isn't just a feature of things between you just prior to BD, but it has actually been that way for years. Perhaps it's even a feature of who he is as a person - hardwired into him - rather than anything to do with the dynamic between you? He could connect with the kids - or at least try (especially when they were younger) but wasn't ever seeking or even desiring closeness and connection and mutuality with you. Is that what you mean?
I hope you're not alone for a long time either, unless you want to be. From your posts on here you sound like a sensitive, curious, lively person. Someone with lots of interest in the world and in other people, open to new ideas, interested in developing herself and in being a good influence on other people. So much to offer! I guess as soon as you work out why you would be so attached to someone who doesn't seem to be able to give much to someone else I think you will be on your way. It will happen in its own time. (The situation is a little bit different with my H, I know, but I still need to do that work for myself now: to figure out why I would have tolerated and enabled such poor behaviour from him for so long - it's a piece of growing work I want to do even if - right now - those behaviours aren't really featuring).
