I'm so sorry this is all happening and I have so much empathy for you. I'm going to put something out there that might feel harsh and I don't mean it that way, but it is something I'm struggling with myself and the detachment is getting easier when I thought about it this way.
Maybe, his friendliness towards your withdrawing behaviors is not a renewed interest and trying to keep you locked in as Plan B. What if he is really, honestly over you? What if he is relieved and happy that you seem to be moving on, which alleviates his guilt and he can start to relax and be kind again and make BLTs for dinner?
I know that isn't what you want to hear. And it may not be true-- probably isn't true, for all I know. But I know for myself when I first started to step away and saw the distancer-pursuer dynamic in action I thought yes! This is working! And maybe, in the long run, it will, but I'm not counting on it. I'm trying to accept the likelihood that in fact, my H is telling me the truth-- he's done. And though that is/was a gutwrenchingly awful thing to actually consider and begin to accept, I think it was the switch inside me that is allowing me to really start to detach and focus on myself and what I need, not acting in certain ways in order to get a certain reaction from him.
My H is/was also my best friend AND thinks we are going to stay friends through all of this. I don't know where they get this fantasy. If he could show me one couple who has the kind of D'd R he has in mind I might believe it was possible...but he is in total la-la land.
You are strong and can make it through this. Focus on you.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
