job and peace, thank you for the support. Our savings account was opened by his dad as a gift when we married, only in his name though. I never thought anything of that of course. We put all of our wedding money in it and have used it since.
I too worry a lot about money now. It’s scary to go from relative financial stability to worrying about my ability to pay rent. I guess I can always move out of the state, leave the life I’ve built here behind, and live with my parents in an emergency, so there’s that. It feels unfair that he isn’t facing this kind of uncertainty.
I’m probably feeling resentful because I’m circling around to anger at the situation again—having one of those days when I can’t believe this is happening, can’t believe we’re barely talking, can’t believe he doesn’t seem to miss at least the friendship we had. The possibility of ever reconciling feels so far away when we are living as distant roommates. I was reading about couples who D and remarry, and it seems like such a small percentage overall, statistically. But then I also thought: What percentage of people who D are dbing? I think that makes a difference, at least in growth for the LBS. What percentage of divorces involve MLC? A friend is going through an “amicable” divorce after months of MC, in which they’ve both decided to D. Imagine!
I don’t want to lose hope, so I’ve been trying to find my PMA again. Last night I had a dream H did something mean and I started yelling, Who are you? while shaking and hitting him, as if I could snap him out of this back into the man I know. Not much interpretation required there—I know this is what I’ve wanted to do even as I maintain a calm front and strive for empathy!
