Firstly, hugs. My heart goes out to you. Secondly, three months is nothing. Do not expect too much from her or you. This process is long and hard, and in the end there is no guarantee. AS wrote a really useful timeline a long time ago which might be useful for you. If anyone has the link, could the paste here please. The takeaways (from memory) is that our spouses do start coming around, but they might never admit it, and even then, most LBS have already rebuilt their lives and are quite fine without them, thank you very much.
I've followed you through your sitch and you are getting some really good advice which I'll repeat here:
1. Your marriage is over. You need to accept that. This doesn't mean go out and sc**w the first woman who shows interest in you, but it does mean you have to start building a life without her. Base your plans on you and your children. Her needs are no longer your needs. Your decisions shouldn't be about "will this make her want to come back" but be about "is this best for me and my children 2. Stop all expectations - if you offer to help and she declines the offer, then she declines the offer. End of. 3. Stop ruminating on what if's, why's and the things you've lost. It is not helpful to you at the moment. 4. You are trying to show her your 180's. Trust me, she notices, but right now, she thinks it is all a ruse which makes her more resentful. This doesn't mean stop doing them. 180's are for you, not her.
There is a phrase over here that kind of fits well with your sitch ... "can do no right". This means no matter what you do she is of the mind frame that turns your actions/words into a negative. Ask for more time with the kids, you're hassling her, don't ask for more time with the kids, you're a neglectful father. If everything you do is wrong in her eyes, then you do what is right for you and the children.
Things that I think will have a positive impact on you (and are within your control). Take or leave as you will:
1. Meditation (will help with anxiety and letting go) 2. Gratitude journal (or even just listing out each evening things that happened that day that you are grateful for) 3. Set your intention each day and start it anew. Today I will start a conversation with two strangers. Today I will go to the gym. Today I will try that new restaurant.
No contact means no contact. Childcare logistics and financials only. Factual, business like and abrupt. She does not want to hear about your day. So stop talking about it with her.
The other thing I would say is you put your wife and marriage on a pedestal. No-one is that perfect. Stop looking at her and you through rose tinted glasses.
I'm sorry if this is harsh. I don't mean it to be.
