Cross countries separation EU

[Pack_19]

Hi all! I am having a great week at work but an awful week with my DB. As you can imagine my W keeps being as cold and distant as she has been since she dropped the D bomb. I guess you guys are the only ones who can imagine how discouraging this is. I have met all these people from the office in Madrid that are great and socially is like I feel alive again, maybe you also know what I mean. I talk to new people, went to a big fat party yesterday and have began to laugh again regularly (sometimes I think how long before I start crying again like a little boy on of my private breakdows).

When I video call my children she disappears, puts them in a room and she is gone. She wrote to me about talking to my S the other day and I tried to get a friendly conversation on how the week was going. No answer and back to no talking to her. I have had days this week when I am starting to think seriously my M might be over forever. I am full of hope and optimism but it is such a dark time when you let those thoughts get a grasp on you. I have been reading about building back trust and the 5 love languages but it feels if she wont even look at me in the eyes, if she truly cannot stand seeing me, it is not the time for this.

I thought by the time we will be 3 months into living apart she would start to warm up towards me, how idiot I was. I have also tried to offer her my help in any children related issue but she keeps rejecting any interaction with me. I have been selfish, focused on money making and I lacked a lot as a husband but I have this deep belief I can and will eventually make it up to her. How sad for us and our family if she decided to remain cold for long enough to convince herself there is solution to our problems.

I am much more positive, practicing active listening and being humble but I am still living hell. There is no rush, I know the waiting will be worth it and I know permanent change takes time and effort. It is just that I read DR and apply the techniques (it has been over a week with no contact and LRT) and I wish I had that small feedback sign that tells me she is starting to slow down or at least noticing. I care about us so much I would wait years if that is what it takes, I cant help thinking why I have to put all the effort when she has beheaded our R.

I miss talking to her, having her when I come back home, seeing her cook with the children and the way she knows me better than anyone. I needed to tell someone that and I am sure my friends dont want to hear it. Thanks a lot guys!