First, therapy has been going well. 2-3 hour sessions started weekly then is now every other week. Looks like I switched using this as a sounding board to more one on one with my therapist. I had a lot of anger issues and I’ve been working on identifying the sources and controlling my emotions better. I journal and I guess having some self awareness helps. Therapist says she sees a lot of progress and that it’s great I’ve been getting the help that I had been over this last year from the forum, videos, books, podcasts, and whatever I could find to understand my situation better.
My wife and I are having great months. Thanksgiving we took the kids to Vegas. Christmas was nice. And so was New Years. We had a small retreat to wine country with a couple close friends.
Apart from doing things and going places as a family or even as a couple with our date nights, we are reconnecting. We’re better at arguing, we have safe words, time outs, and discuss things like when it’s okay to have a heavy talk or not and we are able to table things for later when we have our time. I am better at not trying to force my thoughts on her via texts or bombard her when she is at work. Much of that has been a work in progress over the last year. I could go on and on but will spare you. Simple to say I did a lot of 180s from self care, being more financially responsible, being a better partner, helping around the house, with the kids, doing things with her (noticing her), not being on the computer for hours. It’s been over 8 months and I keep my computer at the apartment which I am getting rid of at end of lease. I haven’t gotten on that thing and find I have a lot of free time to split with the kids, to doing things around the house and cooking. Wife and I spend at least an hour together on weekdays together watching a show, to catching up, talking about things to just enjoying our time together. Gone are the days where I felt like something was off. She doesn’t hide or act weird with texts or social media.
I can tell my wife is back. Over the last few months she’s had some heart to heart conversations with me where I felt she was sincere and that she was sorry. She still denies any romantic envolvement with any person. She has brought up knowing what it felt like to have her family ripped apart and she never wants that to happen again. She had the house and the opportunity to fully break away, but she didn’t. I would like to think I gave her enough space to make her own decisions and we left that door open for each other.
We are in a good spot where we can discuss our therapy sessions with each other and talk about our feelings. Wife is on board for couples counseling. I believe she feels like she has the tools to help her communicate better. She has let it be known to me that in the past she felt awkward, like she didn’t have the know how to see an argument through but we have come a long way.
My wife and I send texts every day saying we love each other and to talk for a bit. We kiss and say bye in the mornings every day and night. We both use words of endearment and it’s been great for months. You can tell if something is off she starts holding back but if things are good she says baby this to baby that. I try not to ride the highs or the lows. I do enjoy the moments though and take opportunities when I can to fill the love bank with words of appreciation and acts of service.
I am also a better steward of money this year and that has a positive impact in our relationship. From planning trips to budgeting, it seems like a huge load off.
What has helped me to move on with my life is that I didn’t know any crazy details of what she was or was not doing so I can concentrate on moving forward rather than trying to recover from the past.
I’m enjoying my time with the kids. Currently taking both boys out on their bikes around the neighborhood. Teaching my older son how to cross busy streets.
Going to stop here. Wish everyone well. Thank you for your support.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
