what DB approaches are right for me?

[unchien]

And there is a part of me that has lost so much respect for him that I don't want him back. Is that normal?

I think it is normal for our feelings to vacillate and loss of respect is one of those feelings that ebbs and flows. Long-term I think feeling disrespected can turn into resentment and anger -- which demonstrates a lack of detachment. It's definitely a Zen mind-trick to be able to withstand the emotional blows while having empathy for the other person, but it's a goal worth pursuing (IMO).

I had a therapist once say to me, "if you took your power back, if all that energy was focused on you, what would you do with it?" So I started thinking, what would I do with my time if I weren't focusing on him? Because I have been doing that too much, and that's when I feel the worst.

This is great advice. For all of us.