So, I've stepped up my GAL'ing, detaching, 180, and validating game over the past week and I've definitely seen some improvement in my self-esteem. Those first 3 months after the BD, I think I was suffering from something akin to Stockholm Syndrome. It was sheer emotional abuse.
It didn't help that I was previously in full pursuer mode without realizing it. The random texting temp check-ins and then getting deflated with her lack of or her dismissive replies; looking at her to see her facial expressions to attain any good/bad feedback for our R; wanting to always sit near her when we're out somewhere, etc, etc.
This forum has helped so much explain what is going on in my W's head. The tornado of emotions. It really has helped me take the emotions out of her spewing. I loved the recommendation of pretending she has a horn growing out of her forehead for when she starts making some whacko insult.
Just my changes alone, have made her actually start to become the pursuer again and she's toned down the attitude. Just slowing everything down to a crawl again. She actually slightly reminds me of the woman I knew 2 years ago. I don't trust a d@mn thing out of her mouth or her feigned good deeds. But, I do feel more in control of my life again. Baby steps.
Remember, DB for you....not her. Not to save the marriage. As you commented on in Scott's thread, and you are now aware of, you were watching a caged animal. That's how she felt. She will never step toward you if she feels that way. Now removing all pressure and pursuit, she may still not step toward you, but it is a heck of a lot more likely than if she is feeling like a caged animal.
Keep up the good work!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
