Thanks again guys. Literally no other choice for me than to take the time and use it constructively on myself.
The other way, my instinctive way ( which is screaming at me) will destroy the relationship forever and push her away.
I really appreciate the support here.
It's the hardest thing I've ever faced, I miss her daily, I want to fix it, i want to show her change. But none of that helps. I see her struggle and want to help, I know it's no longer my role.
I'll be the lighthouse as best I can, I'll shut my mouth more often ( lol) I'll try and knuckle down on myself and will keep posting.
The fastest (or the slowest way in my case) to change is to put all focus on yourself, whether introspectively or external GAL. My belief is the reason why a lot of us are here is because of change in our relationships.. Whether it be massive change or lack of change for or from the other partner. You see? At one point we were enough for them. Or they were enough for themselves. Then life and reality crept in. That was no fun anymore. Resentment sets in and builds and builds for years. Could be anything. Childhood trauma. Lack of listening or validation or empathy. Growth that is not parallel to the other partner. MLC. Personality disorders. Lack of love attention or respect. My favorite one I hear here a lot. Emotional abuse. Passive aggressiveness. Boredom. Non momogamy. Life purpose and direction change. Attraction. Bad habits. NPD/BPD. Emotional stuntedness. Failed expectations. Boundaries not established respected or violated. Take your pick. There are a million reasons why you are or could get the "I'm not happy!" Lets separate I want a divorce routine. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Introspect on them. Journal them. Learn from them and work on them. Discard what doesn't WORK FOR YOU. Keep what does. Build on what you want to do and change. Accept what is. Let them go. You didn't break them and you can't fix them. It is not your responsibility to make another person happy. It is your responsibility to make your self happy and whole. That's their obligation not yours. Give them space. Fight the attachment and co dependency within your self. DO FOR YOU! Be the rock. That is attractive naturally without trying or manipulating an outcome or another person. You need to grow and now is the perfect time to do it. Leave the wishy washy to the wishy washy.
