I am So Incredibly happy for you. I knew the time would come when you would wouldn’t be eaten by anger anymore in regards to your ex. When you have something so wonderful on your life, that’s where you want to put the energy.
Just a heads up that if your ex misses his days with the kids, it is best to keep notes on all that. After a certain amount of time, you can make a case for more custody which would require him to pay more. I know legal fees can be costly, but with twins who are 5, it may be worth it to go for more custody. A lawyer could tell you how many days he needs to be missing for you to have a case.
Wishing you continued happiness.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hawho - ex takes on the minimum and subtracts a few hours from it (80/20 split). If there were any changes to that agreement he wouldn’t have to pay more based on the laws. He pays the standard CS formula. If he got a raise and I didn’t and my costs went up - I could take him back to court for an adjustment. And I don’t know if the legal fees would be worth it because I don’t think he can pay. Like he asks me to wait before cashing the checks so they don’t bounce I live in a ridiculously expensive area so his child support wouldn’t even cover rent in an illegal basement apartment even if it was further away from the city. He’s not even paying me what he should be as is. He owes a lot.
The thing is, he thinks he’s doing a great job. He doesn’t know what real parenting is. He’s basically a baby sitter that pays me. And puts in a little bit of input and feels good about it. He has minimal responsibility and no real “adulting” as CL calls it. And it’s frustrating. I’m embarrassed that my son has a dad like that when I compare him to other dads. But ex and his mom don’t see that. They think he’s great.
Anyway, my relationship is great. But I need to get my act together and become more structured and organized. I’m frustrated with myself. I’m not living up to my potential. I think it’s an adhd thing. I just struggle unless I’m in a structured environment - but it has to be structured by someone else. And there’s so much I want to do. It’s just the doing and organizing of time. I can’t function unless under stress from procrastination. I can’t even keep track of what ex owes me cause I’m disorganized and he knows that and hopes I will forget. Ugh. I get so mad at myself.
I am doing good. Been a little over 5 years since the ILYBNILWY. Still dating the same girl I have been for 4 plus years, not sure where it's going to go. We have our differences and I see it more and more every day. Otherwise, just been plugging away.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Eye tie - ahh. Well if it’s something you want to talk about feel free to use my thread. I have always been a bit nervous about freely posting everything - in case someone recognizes me or notices the forum and then wants to look it up. I don’t agree with a lot of what is touted here in newcomers and on midlife crises and I think maybe this forum was really unhealthy for me when my ex first left me - but I kind of like the interactive diary it offers.
All in all - I’ve been really happy about my relationship but scared that after the honeymoon phase it could become like what happened with my ex. I’m scared of someone resenting me when the relationship loses the luster of the early stages. That was really traumatic for me with my ex husband. Is that what happens in marriage and relationships over time or was that just because my ex was an alcoholic and secretly doing something where he was secretly spending 1 grand a week? That’s the deep rooted fear for me. Even though I’m surrounded by a family of committed marriages.
Ex and I have no actual conflict since I don’t want to be bothered - except for the money he owes. I realize how happy I am not to be with him. He is so sneaky. Seems like such a great guy and is so good at deflecting and not being present but seeming great. My son wanted more time with him - so I told ex at the request of my sons that he was feeling bad. And asked him if he wanted To see him a few extra hours 1 day a week after work. He said no he can’t - but twisted it and kept texting me asking how long long I have known that son was upset about this - and how I need to bring this up earlier to him. And asking why he was feeling this way.... it’s cause son is seeing how much time my bf spends with his kids and wanted to know why his dad doesn’t do the same. But I didn’t say that and maybe I should have. I waited till son asked me to say something. And it didn’t even matter. They did go away on a vacation together though so hopefully son feels good about that.
Apparently ex is on to another girl cause last gf seems to have discovered he was not being honest with her. (Figures that out through the innocent musings of my son) My own relationship has been just amazing so far. It’s the first time I felt chemistry for someone. I feel like he meets my needs and love languages. I love how he is with children and my family. It’s just been really good so far. I can’t believe I finally know what it feels like to be in a good relationship with someone. I am struggling to balance a relationship with my own work ambitions and keeping my sons interests first though. That’s been tough.
So I’m going nuts here. I’m officially quarantined - in a way that’s good because I flatten the curve at work a bit, but my symptoms were so mild they could have been allergies. And it’s almost 10 days and no test results from ex (who Has pretty bad symptoms and good reason to believe he’s positive). The big problem is no testing. Even if I quarantine for 2 weeks - if I don’t know that I was actually positive , I go back to work and can just get it and expose it to vulnerable people. There’s no logic to any of this. By the time you even get the test results the quarantine is finished and then if I was in fact negative - I just lost 2 weeks of work and now I’m out of sick time? There’s no excuse for not having testing. I am so ashamed for our leadership. It’s such an embarrassment. But not only embarrassing- extremely dangerous. Especially when you hear about all that insider trading. I can’t believe you can deflect and blame and blatantly lie and still be supported. I know this isn’t a political forum - so I will tie it in to saying it’s exactly like listening to a walkaway, self serving narcissist. Something the majority of us have experienced.
I miss my boyfriend so much during all this. I feel like we have been together forever and we just connect so well. I can’t believe a year ago at this time I was breaking up with that other guy. God. So much can happen in a year. I remember how bad I felt breaking things off and I can’t believe I ever felt bad about that. I haven’t been writing that much because I really have nothing to complain about. Being with him, makes me so grateful that ex left - because now I know what a healthy relationship feels like. We have chemistry, we talk every day and throughout the day, we have similar love languages and communication skills, and we respect each other as parents. Plus we have insane chemistry. It has been so so so wonderful so far. If I had experienced someone like this, I never would have settled for someone like my ex husband (who I dated when I was young and had very little experience).
I’m struggling to keep my son entertained. Especially on the rainy days. I’m losing my temper easily and then I feel bad. He’s adhd and it’s just tough cause he can’t really occupy himself without doing destructive things. He talks on stop and makes noises just for the sake of making noise. I’m seriously gonna lose it. I love him more then anything but I’m gonna lose it.
