I have some thoughts on the words "emotional abuse" I see in your thread. I will relate those thoughts as they pertained to my situation, because I think it may help me or you or others gain some perspective. You won't see much talk about emotional abuse on my thread much, perhaps the tail end of it, because it happened before I found DB. But it did happen.
On the surface of it, for six months following BD1, anyone on the outside of my R looking in would tell you that my W was emotionally abusing me. The anger, the hatred, the silent treatment for months. The complete shutdown of affection and communication.
It did affect me - badly. Friends and family saw my suffering and said I should move on, that I deserved to have someone better. That if someone was treating me this badly I should find someone new and maybe even have a family with that new person, move away, start a new life etc.
I could have looked at my sit from their perspective, that is true. I could have been D by now, had I chosen to follow their advice. But then I started reading here, and I found a lot of things that resonated with mid-life crises, menopause, hormonal issues, thyroid issues, depression related to life-changing events, etc etc. And the more I read the more I understood (very slowly) that it was not my battle that was happening. In fact, it had nothing to do with me. It was all to do with whatever it was W was going through.
So I decided to accept my situation, accept that the MR was over, and accept that the "emotional abuse" was really just a projection of W's rapidly changing and random emotional rollercoaster - that it was all part of her issues. Not mine. It was then and only then that I started to get stronger, and little by little my perspective changed.
None of this is to tell you what to do, or what to think, or how to act in your sit.
The point I'm trying to make is - if you choose to see yourself as "emotionally abused", it can form an unhealthy identity within you. And the more you think about it, the more you can cement it as your own narrative.
Yes, your W did those things, and that in no way shape or form makes them okay.
It is not ok. It is never ok.
But you have the choice as to whether or not you choose to live within that mindset. Knowing that your W is going through a huge upheaval - whatever it is - I think that empathy and kindness can show you the way to forgiving her for her actions. It will also leave you with a clear conscience - knowing that you did all you could within your power, regardless of outcome.
Personally I think you're too good of a dad, too good of a person, to let those incidents that happened half a year ago and more now dictate how you live the rest of your life.
Be the rock, man. Be the lighthouse. You've got a great future ahead of you, no matter how this turns out.
