Hi, HesAble. I know this anxiety well, and I'm so sorry you're experiencing it. On our end, it is so difficult to go from wife to platonic roommate, as you say, pretty much overnight. I know I'm not alone in cycling through extreme sadness, anger, hurt, etc. in trying to adjust to that on my end. It has been seven months for me now since BD, and that feels like a lot of time and no time at all. Over that time, I've been able to slowly detach from his erratic schedule. A work in progress. Slowly I have been able to become more and more of a neutral observer of H's comings and goings, and my anxiety has lessened, which is not to say it is never there; it just used to be a lot more overwhelming. I believe this can happen for you too.
Is it possible to observe your feelings without acting on them? To vent here, to talk to your IC about these feelings and about ways to manage the anxiety when it comes? I ask these questions with your pros in mind:
Originally Posted by HesAble
A pro would be not feeling anxious about each time he leaves home, not knowing if he will be back in 1 hour, 10 hours or 24 hours. Another pro would be feeling like I took some power and control back; dealing with all this disrespect is starting to make me feel like a doormat.
Could both of these pros be achieved on your own, regardless of H's absence or presence? Could working on managing your anxiety and recentering the focus on you and your children, rather than alien H, in fact help you feel you are taking some power and control back?
