Stranger In My House

[HesAble]

Thanks, may22. You raise some very good and thought-provoking questions. My big kicker is the kids too and I am trying super hard to put them at the forefront of my decision-making even though H is not, but some days doing this is harder than others. I pray, try to be hopeful and then he never fails in finding a way to chip away at my hope daily.

In terms of pros and cons of asking him to leave. Well, the biggest con is the guilt/regret I would likely feel having suggested that he leave when it was not his idea (he thinks we could divorce and he continue living in the basement - idiot!); this goes back to the kids. Another con would be finances; although I would like to think that he would provide some financial support to the kids, it would not be in the same amount he contributes now. Next con would be having to tell family and friends about the separation which would make it even more real and painful. A pro would be not feeling anxious about each time he leaves home, not knowing if he will be back in 1 hour, 10 hours or 24 hours. Another pro would be feeling like I took some power and control back; dealing with all this disrespect is starting to make me feel like a doormat.

I do think I need to ask him to commit to watch the kids on x night starting at x time for sure.

I am thinking about the other questions. Thanks for helping me switch my perspective. I am so emotional. Today I am just fed up, annoyed and tired of coming home to H's BS.