Stranger In My House

[HesAble]

Today the H-sleeping-in-the-same-house-but-coming-and-going-as-he-pleases thing is wearing on me. I am trying to consider the pros to having him here in spite of his terrible behavior (e.g., coparenting is easier when living in the same home, the kids are somewhat sheltered from how serious our problems are, he can see my 180ing changes more regularly, it gives the opportunity for some intimacy although I do not view it as anything more than meeting needs at this point). I am also feeling tormented due to the cons (e.g., I have a front row seat to see his comings and goings when he stays out all night and sometimes does not come home until late morning/early afternoon, I find myself anxious because his staying out is completely random and I wonder which nights he will be in or out, also home arrival times are random, 3 a.m., 5 a.m., 7 a.m., 8 a.m., 11 a.m., 1 p.m.).

I am starting to wonder if, for my sanity, it may be best for him to find another place if he needs to continue his erratic, unpredictable schedule for staying out. Am I hurting chances for reconciliation by suggesting this to him? I dont want it to appear as an ultimatum and I still hope we can reconcile at some point. It is as if he expected me to shift from wife to platonic roommate overnight after BD and, unfortunately, love does not work that way. He had time to let his feelings dissipate since he claims his wanting a D was not an overnight decision.