Patience and Limbo (Core thread 3)

[hoosjim]

Hey core, job is probably right, here. My very first false start with my own wife, which was the first one where she actually seemed least somewhat sincere, and I actually believed we might be getting somewhere, was sparked by my threatening to leave. I walked away from her after a talk following discovery of a burner phone where she admitted to contacting OM. When I got home from my walk it was my intention to leave the house but she made some promises and played it down and I relented. It wasn't until I actually walked out some seven months later after discovering she had been entertaining phone calls from OM at work and then went to meet him at the gym that things finally turned for her and us over a period of several weeks (I was actually out of the house for two weeks before returning).). So... Go slow. And be prepared for setbacks and relapses. What your wife is going through is very very similar to a drug addiction, and it can be very difficult for her to finally and completely cut the cord or to do so cold turkey. She will probably try to find ways to twist your words or justify contacting OM if she is caught. U Need to be clear what you expect of her, in other words your boundaries, and clear on what the consequences are (in my case, I had told her at that time of what I now refer to as the "false start" that any further contact of any sort with om and we were done for good. When I found out 7 months later, I told her she disgusted me and didn't want to see her, gave her a week to get out of the house and then I left. She lost it, completely melted down and that started her turn right there).

In my case it took a couple of starts and stops, and, ultimately me actually leaving. It's very possible that it may take the same in your case. Stay alert, stay tough, and stay true to your changes, GALs and 180s.