22 Years Gone Part 2

[rooskers]

I’ve told you this dozens of times but you ignore my advice repeatedly.

Sever ties, let your D13 have her say, get her an attorney, fix this once and for all. Your ex needs to go.

The law does not allow this even if it is my wish as well as D13's. I have had a lawyer from the beginning of this and that is why I have custodial custody of D13 which means she is in my custody all but 52 days of the year. D13 is also in therapy to help her out with these problems and that is going well. It isn't as easy as not letting my ex see her. I run the risk of being held in contempt of court and even of losing custodial custody of D13. I am waiting to see what she sends my lawyer and will proceed to use all legal means of protecting D13. I am very thankful for your contributions kas and you have given me a better insight to who my ex is. Please keep following and contributing.

So I received this email from XW and at first it doesn't appear harmful at all.

If staying the night is too difficult for D13 I'll drive her home each night and pick her up the following day for our upcoming weekend. Please let me know what the plans are.
Also once D13 finds out about her Award please let her know I'm so proud of her outstanding accomplishment and I would love to be there to support her special recognition. Please let me know if I may attend.

The problems I have with this are she wants me to tell her what the plans are for her weekend with D13 and is asking me permission to attend one of D13's events. After much reflection, this has been a huge problem in our relationship since we first got together 22 years ago. XW liked to ask me for permission to do things and if I answered yes I reinforced the fact she needed permission in the first place, if I answered no then I was emotionally abusive and controlling, and if I told her she didn't need my permission I wasn't the masculine leader in the family she was looking for. Now that she is trying to amend the divorce decree, accusing me of extreme distancing, and blocking her from D13's events, this email takes on a very manipulative feel. If I tell her what the plans are for her weekend, even if I say it is what D13 wants, then she accuses me of controlling her time with D13, but if I don't say anything then I am not communicating as a co-parent. The second part asking me for permission results in the same dilemma. I have told her over and over I don't control her time with D13 and she doesn't need my permission to attend any event of D13's. She rewords every email I send however to make it appear that everything being done is my decision. Especially when she brings D13 home early from her visit, I get an email after that I am causing extreme distancing.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.