Jeez AnotherStander that's a pretty bleak outlook.
I don't see it as bleak yet. You know how we say this is a marathon, well you are at around the 1-1/2 mile mark and you are asking what the outcome will be. My response is it's too early to say, there's still many miles to be run.
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Why would she go this way and suddenly suggest a trial seperation of 6 months if last week she was setting boundaries around needing to be on her own, no relationship talks etc.
Is she just intending to keep me dangling? She actually mentioned to me this evening that she saw things between us that would be a good foundation going forward, again mentioned the shared house idea but need for her own space.
She is doing this because like every other WAW she is confused and in turmoil. She doesn't know what she wants, so she's "trying things on" to see how they feel. Divorce one week, recon the next, trial separation the next. She's throwing stuff at the wall to see if anything sticks. I used to use this analogy- WAS's can appear very calm and collected on the outside, but inside their head it's like a raging hurricane. Things are getting thrown around in there like pieces of lumber and debris. When she opens her mouth her words are like detritus being flung from the storm, they may or may not make sense and they will change from day-to-day. This is why we say not to believe anything they say and only half of what they do. This is also why we say be the rock and the lighthouse. You are the beacon of safety and security in that crazy storm that is raging.
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To me right now she seems confused, don't know just going off of what I think I know of her over last 15 years , but who knows
The person she is now is likely quite different than the person you knew for 15 years. She may return to her old self, but it will happen very slowly over a long period of time. Until then you are dealing with the alien version.
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We are due to come to therapy session on Thursday with our thoughts on trial seperation and tbh I have many questions and concerns and dont know how or whether to raise them.
You don't raise them. Here is your stance- "I don't want this but I understand you do and I will not stand in your way." Period. The only other two things you do in there are listen and validate.
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I guess one of my questions/ points needs to be what happens if one of these "rules" of the seperation are broken.
Well that's the rub right there. If you make a rule not to date, and she does anyway, then what? There's no way to make her abide by a rule like that. So don't have rules. It's a separation, a step towards ending the M. You both live your lives how you see fit.
Separation may also be the first step towards recon. You just don't know yet. Keep running the miles.
