Moved over from Newcomers...

[Chris73]

Thanks to all for the warm welcome... and the admin who linked my previous post

I just took a walk down memory lane by re-reading my first post in that series from the summer of 2017. So much has changed since then. If there's one thing I'm proud of from that time it's the stance I took with regard to our home. W kept suggesting that I move out and I kept refusing. I told her, "Please understand that I do NOT want you to leave. I want you to stay. But also understand that I will NOT be leaving." Eventually she conceded and agreed to selling me her portion of the house. I really don't think she wanted to continue living there anyway.

I still have all my pictures pre-divorce but they are saved on an external hard drive for my D13 when she is older if she would like to look at them.

Yes, I've already started separating things. If you're like me and have tens of thousands of photos to sift through it takes a while. There are lots of photos of my kids when they were young that I don't want to archive, but I'm building a new album of favorites... sans XW

As far as OM goes next time you can politely let him know you are not really interested in small talk with him.

You're right. Those confrontations are stressful but sometimes need to happen. A friend of mine asked me yesterday why I even go in to her house when I pick up my kids. It's a good question. OM doesn't actually live there and sometimes my kids want me to come in to show me something. But I think I might take that advice and wait outside.

Love to hear from you about some of the things you do as a single dad when you have the children. How are your children handling the whole thing if you don't mind me asking. My D13 is having a really hard time but we are only a little over 4 months after the divorce.

Single dad life is very challenging for me and for my kids too. There are so many issues we deal with that just never come up with intact families. So far both my kids seem to be handling things well. Their grades haven't suffered and I haven't noticed any behavior changes that aren't typical for their ages.

My D8 talks about the divorce very matter-of-factly, without indicating any blame or playing favorites, as if it was just something that happened and we all move on from. Although occasionally she tells me that she wishes we were still married. My S11 is definitely more guarded. I've tried to get him to open up about things, but his favorite phrase is, "It's fine."

My kids and I do a lot of things together. Sometimes we'll get their friends or other family members involved, but a lot of times we're a trio. Theme parks, vacations, dinners, outdoor excursions, game night, etc. Frankly, it's hard being the only one responsible for everything and not being able to "hand off" to the other parent. The alternative to this is for me to start up a new relationship, preferably with a woman who has kids my age, but that doesn't seem right for me. I don't think I'd be happy in a relationship that is primarily based on convenience.

A dear friend of mine once told me that she'd know that I had moved on when I was defined by what is in front of me rather than what was behind. It's excellent advice.

I have definitely made some moves towards this, but I still find myself hung up on being angry and bitter. Forgiveness is something I'm working towards because ultimately it will make ME feel better. But I think hanging on to my pain is comforting in a way and the idea of letting all that go is kind of scary.

How do you all handle this? Is detachment and forgiveness something that just gets easier as time passes?