wayfarer, as LBSs we all romanticize how great our relationship was before BD. In truth, often times we were just as unhappy, maybe even more so, than the WAS was. This is why it is important to have the attitude that the old MR is DEAD. And that if you do R with your spouse that it will be MR 2.0. That you refuse to settle for the dynamic in the original MR because that will be short-lived and you will be headed for BD #2.
In fact, I lived that. My W had her first EA in 2005. I made changes, required nothing of her (other than end the EA). We shortly thereafter settled into our old normal. After about 2 years, things deteriorated even further until BD#2 just 2 years ago. While it took 12 years, eventually enough factors (less than ideal MR, same ol' problems before, W hitting a milestone age, etc) converged to trigger BD#2, in the midst of another EA on her part.
So you are on the right path. You need to become a better wayfarer....and then require changes of him before you'd agree to MR 2.0. And while that scares many LBSs, there is so much power in this. As other posters like to say, you will never be more attractive than when you are walking away! So tell him what it will take for you accept him back, when and if the time comes (I am not suggesting you start a R talk, but be ready if and he he does).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
