Thank you Gerda for that perspective. It really does help.

Truth be told, this has all been handled in such a truly dysfunctional manner, that I don’t even know what and how much to say to my kids. But, I am not going to say I wish them well.

I am going to keep it to being about them-my kids.

Right now I think I need to say little and just create a space where I make it clear I am here to listen to how they feel are doing with all this. I would like to impart on them that keeping secrets from your parents should not be encouraged. I really want to say a marriage is not a secret, but I will bite my tongue.

He has emotionally strangled them by swearing them to secrecy and I want to begin by loosening the noose.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced