She seems to really want #3 right now as we've both agreed it's not best at this point for her to move fully in. She's starting her counselling on Monday and knows she needs to figure her life out. I was hoping she would choose to live with her mom for a bit and pay down some debt.
Anyways - She continues to be a little wishy washy with me and I'm doing my best to stay neutral whether she says something positive or negative. The fact that she's choosing option #3 makes me feel like there may be unfinished business with a potential OM (although no OM has been confirmed). She says she doesn't want to move back in with her mom because it reminds her of her dad too much and makes her sad and she feels that's not good for someone who has been struggling with depression. And that house is one hour away from my house where my son lives.
Option #1 is a clear no-go.
Option #2 is what YOU want but not what she wants. There is a bit of desire to control there maybe?
Option #3 is what she wants. Ignore the why. It could be on OM, it could be she doesn't like #2 for the reasons you listed. Or it could be even she doesn't know.
I read this incredible book 15 years ago explaining emotional reasoning. We all like to think we are rational when making life choices. But what happens most of the time is we make a decision based on an emotional hunch, and then we back up and rationalize why it is the right choice. Then we call ourselves rational.
I would bet there is a high likelihood your W doesn't know why she wants Option #3. It could be a mix of all the items you cited, or it could just be her hunch that it is the most comfortable situation for her at this time right now. I think you are right to remain as neutral as possible and don't commit to anything like Option #1 until her actions, words and behaviors are consistent (i.e., you are not confused by her intentions).
I've never dealt with OM issues and I can imagine your emotions get really stirred up just thinking about the possibility.
