He's been slighter warmer and less shut-down with me since I've been back after the holidays. I think of the "Why the MLCer is so distant..." homework thread and Job's reminder: the main ingredient of MLC is depression. They will surface from time to time and seem friendlier, more normal. I look back over my journal for the past seven months and see this pattern repeat. (Yet I still think from time to time—wait—see, he's not depressed. He's not struggling. He never loved you. You're imagining all of this.)
I no longer see these friendlier interludes as indicative of any long-term positive trend, but the problem is that I know there is a tiny subconscious part of my brain that is collecting positive interactions and hoping, hoping, hoping, while the rest of my brain is saying, "THE D IS COMING! You will be disappointed. Why do you keep doing this?" It seems to run in the background like some computer virus...
Hi Cardinal - was thinking of you this morning so thought I’d drop a line.
Just wanted to share that I had my first full experience of H resurfacing and being friendlier and almost completely normal and actually talkative (not about himself tho). It really is confusing isn’t it? I’m sure he’ll turtle again....I’m currently doing the hoping while feeling another D bomb is on its way. Time will tell I guess.
