Not much to update over here at Casa di Yail. Still waiting on official D word, and still not sure if it will be tomorrow or May.

Since the New Year I'm finding myself to be much calmer and steady. For a while I was flying super high with an abundance of energy and a mindset of "Go! Go! Go!". It was great, and it was needed to get me through a really intense crunch-time. Now I still have a great deal of energy but I'm also feeling a bit more normal and grounded with a focus on making some solid plans and slow-steady work to achieve these goals. I'm feeling productive in my life.

I'm on time or ahead on my projects at work, which is a place I've never really been able to be. I guess I just feel like I've really got my head "in the game" these days, and the months and months of being distracted with a memory of a goldfish seem to have passed. There was such a long time when I couldn't remember anything due to my distraction over my sitch.

I think it will be a good transition. It has put me in a good space mentally. I'm taking better care of myself with making home cooked meals every day, and I cut way, way back on drinking. It was a budget-based decision but my body also thanks me for being sober most nights. I'm trying to be consistent with my sleep and waking up earlier to be productive. Overall I'm feeling calm and present. I'm also crafting a lot which for me is a major source of therapy. I feel my best and grounded when I'm knitting or doing cross stitch or sewing. It's also the time I consciously or subconsciously work out my emotions towards XW because my mind can wander while I work. I'm feeling less anger again.

I find myself listening to my friends/colleagues discuss their own relationships in a different way. I see the subtly toxic behaviors, or avoidance of issues, or ambivalence towards a partner. I never caught on to these clues before I had my own experience. And I'm not trying to think that I know better than they do, but I feel sometimes that my experience would lead me down such a different path if I were in their shoes. I don't step in to give advice unless asked. But I find myself worrying about a few of these folks and what the future of their R is. In these moments I see just how different I am now than I was 2 years ago while in a R, and 1 year when I was dealing with the post BD effects.