A couple of thoughts FS, to do with what you like.

Once or twice you assume his thoughts though I'm sure you're correct. I wonder if he will balk at having words put in his mouth? Instead of "However as it is unlikely you will go for this", what about letting him know your interpretation, but asking (ie an "I" statement). "I am under the impression this is not an option you would favor, but please let me know if I am mistaken"

Originally Posted by FlySolo
Whilst this is the most cost saving option (and probably welcome by the children) it adds certain complications, particularly as you are now accustomed to having your own space and people not knowing your comings and goings. It wouldn’t be a problem for me because I have never really had my own space.


I would leave the children out of this one (could be construed as you using them to advocate for this option), not assume his thoughts, and not offer yours. Maybe just

"Whilst this is the most cost saving option (and probably welcome by the children) it adds certain complications, particularly as you are now accustomed to having your own space and people not knowing your comings and goings. It wouldn’t be a problem for me because I have never really had my own space."


I'm concerned with the line, "Under this arrangement I would be willing to forfeit the bills/school fees (in lieu of child maintenance) that you currently provide." I worry about promises in writing, especially if this escalates in any way and you have mediation/solicitor involved. Perhaps even adding a caveat of "for now" or "as long as this arrangement continues to be mutually agreeable" to give yourself an out. You are willing to work together, but when it is no longer working for you it could be readdressed.

I say this because I played nice during my D with wife, as you seem to be doing. Some sitches allow for that. And for me it largely worked out, and I don't feel I was screwed over in any way (honestly, I probably got a better deal than she did in some ways as she was pretty fair and/or generous). However, there were times early on when W's anger reared its ugly head, and she became someone I didn't recognize. During those times I honestly think she had the ability to be vindictive if I had pushed. I think many sitches here show that.

So in saying that, my advice would be to continue to play nice - placate his moods if necessary - but not put anything in writing that involves you conceding more than 50-50 without strict advice from a lawyer. Give yourself flexibility to back-out of an arrangement if he changes the rules at any time. Not because you will be vindictive, but because you are protecting yourself.