Well that sounds about right for H. He is still an angry secretive teenager. Kind of a surprise, the over a Christmas marriage, till you think about it. He is so secretive; and MLCers like their drama.
His rambling text is par for the course. He is still confused and suspects everyone is plotting against him. You can take comfort that your boys are strong lads; not spilling the beans for so long. There is something to be said for not betraying a person’s confidence. Of course I do suspect Dad wasn’t the great role model and some of this is fear of reprisal as well. Still, lots of strength in those lads.
Remember not to believe everything (or anything depending on situation) a MLCer says. Maybe the boys met her 14 months ago, maybe not. H does have quite the ability to rewrite history and timelines to suit himself.
I would suggest not questioning the boys. As hard as that’s going to be. Tell them about receiving a text from their Dad saying he got married over Christmas. Once they know you know, and they didn’t tell you, much will come tumbling out. A few probing follow up question could be needed, if the ice doesn’t break easily.
I do agree with you that his wife is probably the same gal that he ran out of the house as if it was on fire. However, she may not be. Who knows. Keep expectations and the guesses near zero; it will be revealed soon. Gosh that’s a tough - good thing you’re a strong woman.
Originally Posted by HaWho
Trying to decide how to discuss this all with my kids when they return home in a few days.
Discuss it gently.
Along with the previously suggested ice breaker. Most definitely, as you said, assure your boys that you are just fine and they do not need to worry about you. That was a big step for my kids; them knowing that Dad’s doing fine, well great actually. Kids do protect the betrayed parent, it’s something both parties need to get passed.
Validate their feelings and assure them it’s ok that they have a relationship with this woman. She is after all a person of importance in their Dad’s life. And therefore is someone of importance in their life - unwanted as that may or may not be to each of them.
That is also something I found very interesting, even though it is so obvious. Each child is their own person, and has their own heart and mind. Each of my four kids respond, feel, and accept their situation differently. Each of your boys will see their situation in their own light. I had to get to the place where it is ok for S23 to talk with OM, and S21 to not want to, as an example. Each view point is valid and ok. Your boys will not see this both the same way; similar most likely, just not the same.
The past is the past. I know you would have love to support your boys over the months. You can now! Start gentle and go from there.
That gift of time still exists.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
