Cross countries separation EU

[Pack_19]

hi all!

I am having a rough day today and really needed to come back here. It has been 6 days that I have maintained radio silence with my W except to talk to our children and not much has changed. She is still cold and limits our interactions to our S6 picking up and hanging up the phone to me.

I know it is a very short time and I need to stay strong but sometimes I have this big urge to listen to her voice or try to ask her how her day is going. When this happens I either go out for a run, dinner or grab DR and re-read chapters 5 and 6. I am much better when out with people and I am making a great effort to push my social life again but I still struggle to sleep peacefully and still have those terrible low moments when you can only cry in the shower.

Next week I will be in Chicago for work and I guess it will really help me get some fresh air and be away from my thoughts. I think about our last interaction and I feel great shame. I ended up asking my W if she was seeing someone or there was a chance I could get us back on track, she must truly think I am a [censored]. I have promised myself there won't be more of those low moments in front of her.

It is incredible how eating better, giving up alcohol and exercising can change your mood and attitude. When I talk to people I also find myself thinking about giving them full attention, following up with their messages and understanding what I can say to show I am interested and keep the conversation going. This is new to me and feels great, only sometimes I still find myself thinking in the old ways (what is the next thing I am going to say) but even then I identify it and think ok I just made one of my typical mistakes.

I know I have asked you all this a million times, but my W being in the state that she is towards me and the whole fight for the separation agreement coming up has me extremely worried. Even I was to see signs of her softening after I stopped smothering her, the plan is to go on, let the lawyer fight this fight for me right?

Every time I read DR I feel like I get more superpowers to fight for our M. As days go by I think less about what might she be doing or thinking but at the same time I think more and more about the new relationship I would like to develop with her. I feel really alone, I have got into the habit of calling my dad almost daily and I am rediscovering my love for him.

If you successfully implement a 180 and it does lead to a baby step, how long does it usually take? Michele talks about 2 weeks but I am not even going to see my W in the next 2 weeks.

Thank you all!

Paco