here's the draft response. Any help would be appreciated:
I would like to start but saying I did not want this separation and I do not want to get divorced. I do not think you were ever 100% committed to a divorce, but at the same time, once youd moved out, could not see any other way but forward. But these things have their own momentum and if it has come to a point where a conscious decision needs to be made. I am, as I have always been, willing to work on us. But I will not stand in your way if your mind is set.
To that end, here is my assessment
1. Children to remain at current schools
I would like D10 to stay at [her school] which constrains where I live. Once both children are in high school, I will look to move further out (where houses are cheaper),
2. Not tied into a mortgage
You have stated clearly you do not want to be tied into a mortgage deal of any sort.
3. Impact of IR25 legislation
{stuff about IR35 and difficulty getting a mortgage}
4. Fair and equitable distribution of economic burden
Both the current childcare and the mortgage places unequal economic burden on me. It is also noted you benefit from any capital repayments I have made on the house. On the balance of things, this burden has been acceptable because we have good co-parenting relationship. I bore the extra costs because of this positive co-parenting relationship.
5. Change to childcare arrangements
In regards to your proposal, I will not accept any 50/50 arrangement which does not stipulate set days.
Your proposal to take them for 1 week per month with an additional 7-8 days spread out over the remainder of the month does not alter my childcare costs. D13 is unlikely to accept any nanny but [name] and needs to be paid a minimum of x per week, whether she does the hours or not.
Note: A true 50/50 arrangement would allow me to negotiate a contract which removes a need for a nanny entirely (e.g. working extra long hours 1 week and reduced hours/WFH the other weeks) and opens the scope of the contracts I am eligible for (many contracts Ive been shown include travel). Under this arrangement I would be willing to forfeit the bills/school fees (in lieu of child maintenance) that you currently provide.
I am not considering the change in childcare arrangements as part of the assessments below. However, it can be included in any option.
Given the above constraints I propose the following:
Option 1: Seek an interest only mortgage deal for 2 years
Children to remain at current schools (met) Not tied into a mortgage (not met) Impact of IR25 legislation (as this represents a change in the terms will require a new application which will most likely get rejected) Fair and equitable distribution of economic burden (partially met removal of capital payments reduces my outgoings).
Assessment unlikely application will be accepted (see point 3)
Option 2: Allow mortgage to move to variable - FS to bare costs
Note: under this option, I would continue to pay the mortgage (interest and capital) but the capital repayments, from time we move to variable, will be deducted from your share of the equity when we sell. You would still benefit from any increases in the value of the property.
Children to remain at current schools (met) Not tied into a mortgage (met, we can elect to sell the house at any time) Impact of IR25 legislation (none however, in the event that I am out of contract, then would need to seek to sell) Fair and equitable distribution of economic burden of mortgage (met as far as I can see, this is like my renting of the bank, and you renting your flat).
Assessment feasible.
Option 3: Sell the house
Under this option we put the house on the market and drop to variable as and when the mortgage deal is up. I pay the variable rate until the house is sold subject to any capital repayments (from the time the variable rate kicks in) being deducted from your share of the equity.
Children to remain at current schools (not met potentially requiring two moves and additional disruption) Not tied into a mortgage (met) Impact of IR25 legislation (none) Fair and equitable distribution of economic burden of mortgage (met)
Assessment feasible.
Option 4: One of us buys the other out.
I have included this option for completeness. However, as neither of us (I believe) are in a position to buy the other out, it is not likely to be a feasible option.
Children to remain at current schools (met) Not tied into a mortgage (met we are not tied into a mortgage together) Impact of IR25 legislation (none if you were to buy me out, unlikely for me to get a mortgage if it were the other way around) Fair and equitable distribution of economic burden of mortgage (met)
Assessment not practical.
Option 5: Move to variable option, you move back in, we share costs and co-habitate
I have included this option for completeness. However, as it is unlikely you will go for this
Children to remain at current schools (met) Not tied into a mortgage (met) Impact of IR25 legislation (none) Fair and equitable distribution of economic burden of mortgage (met)
Whilst this is the most cost saving option (and probably welcome by the children) it adds certain complications, particularly as you are now accustomed to having your own space and people not knowing your comings and goings. It wouldnt be a problem for me because I have never really had my own space.
Recommendation Option 2 and option 3 appear to be the only feasible options, and at their core, are really the same option, just option 4 requires us putting the house on the market now, and poses two negatives (cost of moving twice and unnecessary disruption to the children).
My preference is option 2 as it means we can sell at any time should we decide to go that way.
