The reason this is an important exercise, oceangrl, is that when we get BD'd we tend to suddenly think that our S was the most incredible person on the planet and that we could never ever live without them. I was the same way. After my BD suddenly I thought my W was the greatest woman ever. I would extol her virtues to anyone that would listen. The truth was that leading up to BD I was as unhappy, if not more so, than she was. When we get hit with the potential end of our MR, and all that entails (separation from their family, having to coparent, attending activities in our kids lives in the future with them there (and a potential OP), etc) then we start romanticizing how great our S and our MR was. Sometimes doing an exercise like this shows us that maybe they aren't as great as we've trumped them up to be in our imagination.
I definitely need to do this exercise. I have been romanticizing my H, knowing full well that I was so fed up with so much of what he was doing (or not doing) before the BD. I think he was probably surprised when I was actually saying that I did not want a D.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
