what DB approaches are right for me?

[HesAble]

....You would think he would recognize that I support him through the ups and downs, but nope.

Detaching is my number one biggest challenge. I think I am on a roll with it, and then something like the other day happens, where he holds my kids hands with each of his hands on the sidewalk so I end up walking behind them. I think that's so rude, and I get so hurt and angry....and that makes it so much harder. Those feelings of constant rejection. I believe he gets his "love" from his kids. I love my kids, but I've been replaced by them in getting his emotional needs met.

And I see your point on words being words. I think he wants things easy and convenient....push me into filing, or force it to be a mutual thing so that he doesn't have to be the bad guy. He wants what he calls an "amicable divorce," IE me making it as easy and happy as possible, and as cheap as possible. He gets very upset at the idea that I would use a lawyer. He would like us to sit in front of the kids and tell them that it is both of our idea. That will not be happening. So he talks about it, but as far as I know has acted on nothing...

Sorry you are here, but it is a good place to vent and get support. I could have written the language quoted above. I have supported my husband through some very tough times (including infidelity, financial issues, and even him having been in trouble with the law) but he has clearly forgotten my loyalty. "Standing by my man" has gotten me nothing but a huge slap in the face.

My H also gets "love" from the kids. He is so affectionate to them, but sometimes will not even say a word to me or even look at me. We have been intimate a few times since the BD two months ago, but even that is different; it is like being intimate with a stranger almost.

My H is definitely trying to pressure me into agreeing to a divorce. He is tormenting me so that I have come very close to throwing in the towel, but folks here like job and sandi2 have talked me down "off the ledge." He has sent me information on "amicable divorces" by mutual agreement. I think he wants to tell family, friends, and business colleagues who have worked with both of us that we both decided to get a D. As mean as he is to me nowadays, he has a reputation in our town of being a "good guy." If we cannot reconcile and have to get a D, I will be (1) getting a lawyer and (2) making it clear that this was not my choice. I have made it clear to him that I absolutely do not want a D and I truly believe this is the reason he has been so angry, spent many nights away from home without letting me know where he is, shuts himself in the basement for the few hours he does spend at home, etc. He does not want to be seen by others as the bad guy, but shows me on a quite regular basis that he is truly indeed the "bad guy." I never knew he could be so mean-spirited. He also lacks compassion and empathy, and I actually do believe he is a narcissist now that I have read up on narcissistic tendencies. When he wanted me, he was so lovable and affectionate; now that he does not want me, he has tossed me to the side like a disposable dirty rag.