You are human and we have days when they appear to be too much. Your judgment must not have been all that bad because you are still married and have children w/him. Look, you were happy at one time and now because he's acting out, you can only see the dark side of things. You have to really step back, feel your pain and let it go. You are hurt, disappointed and most of all angry at the moment. Don't make any decisions when you are feeling this way. Make decisions when your emotions are not all over the place. You do not want to say or do anything that you will regret later.
You may end up having to ask him to leave...but if you do, do it in a very calm voice. When my xh was threatening to leave me several times and finally one Sunday he said he was thinking of leaving right after Christmas, my comment at that moment was "whatever". I had to sleep on the next step and work a full time job the next day before I implemented the next step. I grew very tired of his behavior and the threats. So, when I got home that Monday, his lazy self was on the sofa watching TV, dirty dishes all over the kitchen and that did it for me. I told him I needed to talk to him about his comment the day before. The man had forgotten what he said...so, I said that if you want to leave you can go now and not wait until after Christmas. He sat there and cried like a baby and told me he was confused. I walked away and didn't discuss it again w/him. He finally left two weeks later and the tension in my house was gone. Of course, all of this took place before coming here. I spoke to him in a very calm manner and had full eye contact w/him when I opened the door to his cage for freedom and he had to make the decision to either stay or go. Just sharing a bit of my story because people need to understand that when you've had enough, you will know it.
Each person will know when they have had enough. Please, please, do not make any decisions when your emotions are fluctuating. Make your decisions when you are in a calmer place. Trust me, you will be glad you did so.
Hang in there. We are here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
