Your sage advice is always welcome. We can all learn some new things along the way.
Core,
I'm sorry for the hi-jack, but Mach is a friend that doesn't come here often, but I always like to say "hi" to him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey All, I'm right back in turmoil. I went to pay the cell phone bill and my suspicions were correct. Their app to hide texts must've stopped working, I saw W texting OM will 3am.
A refresh, we are still living together. No separation or D started. No mediation. Neither of us is moving out. I cant control her and stop the affair, nor will I cross my moral line and file the D. What can I do? I was hoping I was mistaken but the long distance EA continues.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
Hold the advice on my last post. Save yourselves some time. I confronted. Will explain later. Read Sandi posts all AM amd got riled up. W lied about the evidence till I proved it.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
: Ok, so I broke the rules and advice again and confronted after seeing our voice call logs. W lied of course until I gave her the hard evidence. Says they haven't chatted since I first found the affair. Sounds almost believable. Said she didnt want to divorce but doesnt trust me to be in a marriage. In the end, I still don't know what she wants and I dont think she does either. I have a feeling this conversation will just push under the rug.
Thing is, what if any of it was true, what if she was trying to see if we could work?
Just what in the F. I cant believe its gotten to this. Saying I dont know how to communicate, that I dont know what love is. That I wanted the marriage over this whole time. As you all mention, I come out of the convo feeling like the bad guy.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/13/2006:02 PM. Reason: changed as per poster
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
She really doesn't know what she wants and I believe her answer was an honest one.
You saw that she lied about the cell phone issue until you showed her the hard evidence. It doesn't take 2+ hours to ask someone to take a message down.
She is trying to figure out what love is. She is trying to figure out if love is an emotion and if that's the case, why isn't she feeling it. Sounds like her feelings for you are numb right now and she doesn't understand why she feels differently w/the OM.
Right now, she's not sure if she wants to move out and take a chance w/the OM. Maybe, he's not ready to commit to a relationship and live under the same roof w/her. As long as she is emotionally and/or physically tied to him, she can't be working on the marriage.
At this point, stop trying to rationalize with her. You can't snap her out of this and it is just frustrating you even more so. The more you try to talk to her about it, the more she's going to pull away or even make promises to you that she can't keep.
For now, keep your expectations at zero. If she truly wants to work on the marriage, she would be cutting ties w/the OM and definitely not lengthy conversations w/him. She has to earn your trust and that's not happening at the moment.
No more talks w/her about the relationship. BTW, Your confrontation reminded me of her being a child and you being the authority figure, i.e., father.
For now focus on you and what you need to do for yourself and your family. You can't control her, but you can control how you react/respond to her behavior.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
At this point, stop trying to rationalize with her. You can't snap her out of this and it is just frustrating you even more so. The more you try to talk to her about it, the more she's going to pull away or even make promises to you that she can't keep.
For now, keep your expectations at zero. If she truly wants to work on the marriage, she would be cutting ties w/the OM and definitely not lengthy conversations w/him. She has to earn your trust and that's not happening at the moment.
No more talks w/her about the relationship. BTW, Your confrontation reminded me of her being a child and you being the authority figure, i.e., father.
For now focus on you and what you need to do for yourself and your family. You can't control her, but you can control how you react/respond to her behavior.
Agreed. Get on with GAL for Core.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Coming across like a father figure, I probably did. Not sure how you figured that out but I think you're right.
At a time when there is hard evidence of the OM, Im still not supposed to confront? How can I earn respect from myself or anyone living in the same house while it is blatant what is happening? I dont want that around me.
She cried slightly which Ive not seen her do in awhile.
She asked me to build a dresser yesterday. All the while doing what she's doing. Must be nice having someone who loves you agree with you at a time like this.
Shouldve just paid the bill without looking at history and I couldn't blissfully kept GALing amd 180ing.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
