Sorry about the situation with Jack. But, relationships come into our lives for a reason even if only for a season. Maybe the purpose of this one was to remind you that there are good men out there so that you could see the brighter possibilities ahead.
I too tend to have a “I’ll trust you until you give me a reason not to” l attitude; even with my teens.
But, that said, one of the things I have really learned about myself is I somehow attract players. I think my ex had this in his DNA too but tried to keep it on the down low until his MLC struck and it became so clear he measured his worth by how many women found him attractive.
So, after my divorce, I kept getting hit on by players. I met lots of guys at Pickleball and kept attracting the same type! One guy asked me to play a tournament with him (very innocent) and then started hitting on me via text. I was flattered as he was athletic and funny and attractive. Then I heard he had a girlfriend and was so turned off that he texts other women like that. Gross.
So, for me, I stopped paying attention to guys who hit on me. I saw the pattern. And I went the opposite way by watching guys, asking a lot of trustworthy people about them and really paying attention to who they were. The guy I am seeing now is a guy who says he would never ask me out due to lack of courage plus he is shy! So for the first time in my life I initiated conversations with him as we played Pickleball. It took him FOREVER to ask me out on a date.
Long sorry short: I am a trusting person but I no longer have trust in the type I was attracting.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thanks you guys. I appreciate all of your support and understanding. I am good on the Jack front. He texted me today out of the blue which hasn’t happened in a couple months. I knew he would text me more if we broke up...lol. Even asked me how I was. I agree with you Bttrfly. I think we will be able to stay friends.
Wow...stunning line in this show I am currently hooked on. A woman whose husband had an affair with a mutual friend and she’s telling him that she’s not sure she can past it or why she should even try. She says... “I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out why you’ve done the things you’ve done. What I really need to figure out is why don’t I think I deserve more.” Boy did that ever hit home.
Been exchanging messages with Brook every couple of days. He’s turned into a pretty good man, I think. I thought maybe he was an LBS but it sounds as if he and his wife made a mutual decision to split. If you’re going to D, that the best way to do it for sure. He texted me tonight from work. Apparently he is working a graveyard shift. It’s been nice chatting with him. It’s only been 36 years since we last had any kind of a conversation...lol. Life is interesting, if nothing else. (((HUGS))) to all.
So...I’m about 85% better after a really crappy week of a severe cold. In addition to fighting off an illness, I’m also fighting some nerves this morning. I’ve been chatting online with Brook all week and today my D12 and I are heading to my home town to watch some basketball games. I had mentioned to Brook that D12 was starting to get into basketball but hadn’t really seen it played at a higher level so he suggested I bring her to the tournament to see how much fun it can be. I mentioned it to her and she was super excited about the idea so it has become mommy/daughter day (XH’s day technically but he was happy to give it up so we could do this) and a way for Brook and I to lay eyes on each other without the pressure of a “first date”. I am still super nervous though. Even though I’ve seen his picture and he’s seen mine, he is still 17 in my head and I’m sure it is the same way for him. I am hoping, at the very least, that we have rekindled a good friendship but it is not lost on me what a great story it would be (and an ironic one) if we ended up in a relationship after 30 years and my first love became my last love.
Obviously there is a very slim chance of that happening but you never know. Certainly he is the kind of guy I had in my mind that would be a good match for me... close to my age, similar life stage, kids that he has a good relationship with, self sufficient with a good career, community-minded, positive outlook on life, tall, boyishly cute, active but not fanatically so and smart. And someone who will text me first...lol. Yesterday I was sitting down to lunch at work and thought that I should text him to see if his team won the night before and just as I was thinking that, my phone dinged and it was him telling me they had won...lol. Last night I texted him to say “good luck” and he took the time to thank me while he and his team were standing in the tunnel waiting to go out on the floor. So...it’s all pretty hopeful but I’ve learned not to put the cart before the horse so I’m keeping everything in perspective.
Speaking of texting... Jack has been finding a reason to text me every day....something he didn’t do when we were together. He now has the cold that I had last week so says he is spending all weekend in bed. I think he misses me. He really doesn’t have too many friends from what I can tell so I’m not surprised. I am really hopeful he and I can stay friends. I am also hoping he decides to take a job on the mainland. I think he really needs a fresh start.
Anyway...off to face the day. Really looking forward to spending it with D12 and showing her a little bit of what my world was like before I became her mom.
So...mommy/daughter day and my “non date” could not have gone any better!! My D12 and I had a great time. She said numerous times throughout the morning and afternoon how happy she was to be getting one on one time with me. We took a drive down to see my old house and my neighbour’s farm that I spent a lot of time at. She said she was jealous of my childhood that I could just go spend time on a farm whenever I wanted...lol. We then went out to lunch and she had a “typical teen” lunch... a basket of fries and garlic toast...lol. I thought about doing the mom thing and trying to get her to eat something healthier but part of going on a “road trip” is crap food and she was loving it...lol.
We got to the gym at around 2:30...about a game and a half before Brook’s team played. Ran into him just as we were approaching the gym entrance. He looks like him...just 30 years older with a shaved head...lol. We were chatting for about five minutes and then I heard my name. I looked over and standing their was my BEST guy friend from high school that I haven’t seen since about 2001. He was my locker partner in my senior year and he lived with me and my sister and a couple other girls during our first year of college. Both he and played basketball that year too. I was SOOO happy to see him. He knows Brook too cause they played basketball together so the three of us spent some time chatting and reminiscing. Brook had some things he had to do so my buddy, I’ll call him “Buddy”, came and sat with me and D12 in the stands and we chatted until he had to ref Brook’s game.
After the game, D12 and I watched a bit of the boys’ game. I noticed Brook standing at the gym entrance (standing room only at that point) so I decided to go down and talk with him as it probably would have been too awkward for him to come up to talk to me with the stands being jammed packed. Plus both his daughters were wandering around (he introduced me to the youngest) and I’m pretty sure I saw his ex wife too (I’ve seen her picture) so better to make it look like we just ran into each other at the door. We ended up talking non stop about our mutual interests until half time. He left to go to the bathroom and D12 came down from the stands so we decided we should head out before the roads got really icy. I texted Buddy to come and say goodbye and as we were saying goodbye, Brook returned and I told him I had to head out. I gave Buddy a hug goodbye and then Brook and it felt like he hugged me about five seconds longer than he needed to... like I started to pull away and he hugged me closer. Maybe I imagined it but I don’t think so.
When I got back to my place, I saw that he had texted me on my phone about 30 minutes after I left that he hoped I made it home safely and it was nice to see me. Thirty minutes after that, he sent me a similar message on Messenger...lol. So I answered him that it had gone well and we texted back and forth for another hour until he had to go to bed cause he was working at 7 a.m. the next morning. At the end of our conversation, he asked me if I would like to go out to lunch next time he is in my area. I told him that would be nice. This morning he texted me at 8 a.m. to ask if I had gotten up at 7 a.m. (I told him that is my version of sleeping in) and we texted on and off until he said he had to get some work done and would text me later.
So...a great weekend of reconnection. One with an old friend who is really like a brother to me (and we swore we would not lose touch again) and the second with an old boyfriend who just may turn out to be a new one... Who knows? He definitely ticks a lot of boxes and I wasn’t not attracted to him so that’s good. I’ve actually decided that I think I’m pretty much past the stage of falling for someone at first sight. I think, for me, it will be a good friendship that grows into something more. Brook definitely has that potential and I can totally see him fitting in with both my pool friends and my work friends so that’s a bonus too... as is the fact that he is 6’5” so I can wear whatever shoes I want and don’t have to worry about looking down on him. That will never happen unless he is sitting down...lol. And go figure...we didn’t meet on a dating app...lol. Although technically we did start talking to each other online but I’m giving myself a free pass on that one...lol.
Anyway...got a ton of stuff to do and I’ve already spent the morning lazing around... have to clean my house, do about four loads of laundry, make banana bread for my kids’ lunches (they are not sandwich kids) and walk the dogs. Wishing all of you a wonderful week!!!
(((HUGS)))
P.S. Saw my XH briefly when I picked my daughter up from his place. Honestly...I think I am about 95% over him. I leave 5% back because every once in awhile, a feeling will come up that takes me by surprise (usually connected to a memory) but, for the most part, when I see him, I just think “there’s a guy that I used to love” and that’s about it. No strong feelings - good or bad. That, my friends, feels like genuine detachment.
We never know what is beyond that next turn or rise on our path of life. Facing the future with a smile and song in your heart is best. And you are positively singing.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I just think “there’s a guy that I used to love” and that’s about it. No strong feelings - good or bad. That, my friends, feels like genuine detachment.
Well said.
DnJ
Hey there’s more down here.
Your kids aren’t sandwich kids?!? I’ve never heard of such a thing.
How about marshmallows and chocolate syrup? With crushed Fruit Loops sprinkled on top. I’m sure they’d like those. Lol.
Just kidding around. That’s a silly sandwich. Everyone knows you need bacon with marshmallows.
Hmmmm. Now where’d I put that chocolate syrup?
If I ate that my singing heart would be in humming bird overdrive.
Have a great day.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
So... I have a “date” on Wednesday with Brook. Well...that’s the plan anyway. Currently there is a snowfall warning and there is a bit of a mountain pass between him and I so we may just have to postpone it a week. Not a bad thing. We texted back and forth from about 7 pm to 11 pm last night. I think I was laughing outloud for 80% of it. I told him I forgave him a few years ago for dumping me in the 9th grade...:D. We remembered how we met and that we went to ET together. He told me how nervous he was to ask me out back then and how he was even worried he might ask my sister out by mistake...lmao. Said I was intimidating...even back then. “Strong, intelligent, conviction (whatever that means)”...said he “wasn’t ready for that” and he just wanted to party and play basketball. He actually went to Europe with a provincial all star team after graduation and got asked to play professionally over there but then got injured and that ended that. He’s not bitter though. Says “all things happen for a reason.” It was just so fun talking to him...like reliving our childhood a bit and I got to hear his side of things which was cool. Oh...and I still don’t get to escape the musician thing. He plays the drums and piano and likes to sing. Seriously!?! I never would have guessed that in a million years.
We’re going to play some pool. He says he hates to lose so I may have to play him some one-on-one bball so he can redeem himself. Uh...haven’t played in years. I think I better let him win at pool so I can avoid the humiliation..lmao. Life really is full of surprises. Was texting with XH this morning over the weather and other kid stuff and I mentioned to him that Jack and I had broken up. He said he was sorry and that D12 had really been warming up to him. I told him about my reconnection and he wished me luck. It was nice. Felt like I was just chatting with a friend. Did NOT think I would ever get there with him. Even though we will never be the kind of friends who hang out together, it is nice that we can chat once in awhile and wish each other well. I really am detached and it feels unbelievably good. I am moving ahead and looking forward to whatever life has in store for me. This chance meeting with Brook has really shown me just how random life can be and how your life can be one way one minute and completely different the next. You just have to trust that things will work out in the end...one way or another. And regardless...that you will be okay as long as you keep a PMA and stay true to yourself and your values.
Update...date had to be postponed. He texted me today to say he had forgotten he had moved his team’s bball practice to that day because of the tournament coming up this weekend. Apologized profusely and professed his disappointment as he had been really looking forward to seeing me. We agreed we would get together soon.
TBH...I’m not too disappointed. I’m enjoying our conversations and that’s okay for now. I have seen him so I know there is an attraction there. Just gives me time to practice up my pool so I make sure I really kick his a$$...lol.
