Hi everyone, I need some advice please, but a quick update first. Over the last few weeks my wife seems to be having some touch and go stretches that last 4-5 days, she has brought me coffee, asked how may day was (on 3 occasions) and even asked if I wanted to run some chores with her and the kids. Her replay has settled down a little bit as well and she has reconnected with our dog (she loves dogs) and her mothering is better as well. These stretches always end with a couple of days of monster then back to touch and go. These monster episodes always initiate her starting an R talk, one the issues she brings up is she wants to tell the kids about our separation. My kids are 8, 11, 12, and fourteen. The younger two I do not believe realize what is going on, while the older two (from an overheard convo) believe the wife and I are having money issues and is the reason why I am sleeping in the basement. I have been firm in not delivering the news to the kids until we are far enough away from the holidays and birthdays. I have expressed to my wife very diplomatically that while our situation is somewhat civil it is not mutual. I explained to her that when she is talking to friends about this that I hope she owns the situation and explains she left me and does not sugar coat things. Her reaction to this was a quite calm.
So my first question is: When we tell the kids should we be 100% honest and I should expect my wife to state that she is leaving me? Or do I generalize things more with so it seems like a mutual decision and maybe easier for the kids to swallow?
My second issue deals with sale of our house. Initially my wife was set on selling in the spring. I had expressed to her that my biggest concern is the kids being shuffled back and fourth between us. I suggested I would rent a bigger house that would have an extra room for her to stay when it was her turn with the kids and of course I would make myself scarce during her time. This way the kids at least are fixed and she would be doing the back and forth. Well, on a few occasions she has been trying to figure out a way we can stay as "roomates" in our current house as a trial for maybe a year or so. The last time she mentioned it she said if we sell the house that its such an irreversible move.She tried to clarify by saying not as it relates to us but in the sense we would have to pay realtor commissions, legal fees and moving costs that we would never get back. Seems to me the future is beginning to seem a little bit scary for her and I get the sense she may be cake eating here by trying to stay at home.
So my question is: I do not want to pursue the sale of house because its the best thing for the kids to not move. However, if my wife is cake eating how do I express to her that I am not OK with that, without causing a huge fight? Lastly, let me just say while I do find tremendous relief from my wife 's touch and goes I have read enough posts from the wise members on this board to keep my expectations at zero, and thats what Im trying to do. Thanks in Advance.
