HesAble, I was reading this last night and wanted to give you words of encouragement like cardinal did. But I couldn't muster it with out tearing up. I was having a rough day yesterday. It wasn't an anger day. It was more like hopelessness about the marriage and H. Honestly other than good days I prefer anger because I can swallow that or use it to motivate me. Tears I can't seem to hold back or use to push through. I'm having a better day too and I'm learning this stuff is like a 12 step program, everything is one day at a time. The unfortunate part is that one day in this place feels like an eternity.
I feel exactly the way you do. Beginning of October we were in the Caribbean loving each other and our lives. And now I have no idea which version of him I'm getting on what day. And now he says he wants to move out but set the date for April. I'd give anything for that old husband and some balance back in our lives.
Hang in there. You are right - one bad day in this nightmare can feel like an eternity. I am just trying to focus hard on my kids, 180ing and GALing, but some days are just so emotional that I absolutely cannot do anything but have a pity party. On angry days, I want to shout and scream at H, "Snap out it, you narcissistic jerk!"
The holidays were rough, particularly New Year's, and I can only imagine what Valentine's Day and our anniversary will be like. I am probably going to go ahead and book some weekend trips for me and the kids. H will not be extended an invitation, not that he even wants one. He would rather be at home so he can hang out all night until 7 a.m. It just outrages me!
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
